Before It All Happens

before it all happens:

"when i was a boy, i never drank coffee, i never drank tea, now look at me, cup after cup, you know. what i thought was true forever when i was a little kid stopped when i was like fifteen."

"you became a total cynic! me, i stopped believing all that when i was thirteen, really, just a teenager to begin with. i wasn't a princess anymore, i didn't live in a castle, you know, i felt i had to grow up."

"that's what i'm saying. i'm only forty something but it's like i've had several lifetimes already, really like what it was at kid level, when i was young, that life and all its expectations totally died. it completely cut off at eighteen, a whole new life starting. i still recognize the child in me, i'm not saying it's gone completely."

"right. but it's different for me, i had hopeless really what could only be called fantasies about life. i didn't fully believe them even as a little girl. that's my problem."

"why's it like that? are you saying i'm more realistic? i'm not more realistic, i don't think. what i'm saying is, it seemed like the whole world changed, you know, the 1970s were different, the atmosphere changed to what it is now."

"yeah, but did it really change or have you changed? that's the question. or both which is probably the true answer."

"right, yeah, okay, but i don't think i've changed. maybe i was delusional as a kid and that's the change. like you say you've changed but i don't think you've really changed not all the time i've known you. you're still the same."

"but you didn't know me when i was seven or eight years old!"

"true, but how different could you be?"

"different. i drink coffee now. there are so many choices, coffee houses, coffee shops, cafés. when is tea going to be like that? it's like there are more coffee places than bars. when will there be, you know, tea houses, tea shops, tea bars maybe?"

"you know, after i've had so much coffee, it all tastes the same to me. i'm disturbed by a lot of things happening that i feel i'm unprepared for, that i couldn't see coming. it's like life is peaceful for a while and then boom!, it all happens. all at once. good things, bad things."

"it's crazy. you have no way of knowing when it will happen or how you will react."

CLEARCHARGE