Sunday, September 25, 2016
it is most likely naive to assume that everyone lives in the same world, with all the same people, also that when people meet, true correlation is the case when most likely it is not, that what is transmitted from another person regarding it, is not exactly received or that the signal carrying the data is not accurately interpreted about that person, that what we sense about another person does not correspond exactly to what that person is all about. real distance in space, and mutation of signal, signal loss, and inaccuracies in interpretation to replicate what is going on at a distance, mean that true correlation may be foolish fancy. that the system in place in this reality is well engineered is an assumption that must be undermined.
in the beginning, certainly, we were not in the same world, not by a long shot actually. constant communication and even rapid advances in communication in recent times still does not mean that we all live in the same world now even. indeed, we may still assume that everyone is still in their own world, an earth-like version, and though it might seem that two people are in the same world, one might be in an alternate dimension to the other, even though they meet. to apply numbers, for example, two people who meet may both believe they are on Earth, but the correlation figure for their two worlds might only be 86%, that the geography might not fully agree is one point, the other is that the two sets of the people in both worlds might not is the other point.
to give an example, two people might both walk along the same street in a busy city, but one sees fewer people than the other, and also sees people that the other does not see. we must admit that the sets or networks of people that the two are in may be different. why should they be the same in any case? social networks are formed by forging links between people in real space, are they not, and if we assume that this task is more difficult, that the system is not fully connected, then are individual networks not different?
that the system is far from perfect and that individual projection fields that render what we see and hear are prone to confusion and inaccuracies means that we cannot assume that we see and hear people truly. there are the factors of random application and inflation to consider also. that the signal must pass through all the personal zones between two people and in all probability must be flavored, if you like, or mutated, to take on that of the people in the middle or those closest in the most perhaps.
the plank underlying this argument is partial correlation, that errors exist in data transmission, that some data is not transferred, unrelated data is applied, and rendering or replication is an inexact science, so indeed, how could we all live in the same world with the same people?
Sunday, August 7, 2016
given that it is far from rare, and that the median social group is often thus, let us then examine the dynamic that exists between four people, although even transient it may be, and let not how it came to be, this gang of four, trouble us, rather so how it functions be the operative question. why four? is two or three not enough?
a gang, a party, an expeditionary force, to expedite matters in life or business, renders the individual qualms about being on your own, to rest, the total of a gang of four is more than the sum of each member parts, which is why! role playing, even board games, these things don't function for the player in isolation, not only are other people required to operate such, to state all gain from such! we need someone physically capable, we need someone cerebral, we need a wizard mayhap, we need someone adept, maybe we need more in this crew!
skills that contribute to the welfare of the party, for the mission in life, to the bitter end if need be, make up the set of talents core to the group. primary to the cohesive nature of the gang is a facility for easy interaction, an agreement on secular matters at least, there are a range of issues to debate over time.
why not less? why not be alone? and so searching for something, best described as moving toward a common goal is what molds the group and holds it fast.
a common identity becomes them. what trace the gang of four leaves remains within them.
Monday, July 25, 2016
for several times today, yet i feel myself again and for now, this once, i can do what i want! and i can do whatever i please. you know what i mean? what's new in my life? what's it like to have it all? why do i have to do this, this thing of mine, surely it could wait. the next level up!
o dear! what have we here? a reminder, shard. i can't believe it! why so sudden?! what's happened of late. surely i can escape the past? it's overrated, redress you me!
blocked ways, and for the guilty and the innocent, one mistake leads to another! when it happens, it seems it all happens at once! a sort of paranoic haze envelops the mind, in which it is difficult to escape. the paranoid mind is a trap in itself, to be honest, the mind just boggles! but what are the clues? to be meta about it!
a true 3D guide, we would conspire to get it! therefore avoid traps in general, not a downer, yet eventually we could learn to reflect upon life better and away from that.
what of it? what is it? where is it? how? cards we play, castles we love, and marriage, prosperity, serenity, tranquility, and friends forever, the life beyond mortality, the proving chamber, the track of life upon which we sweat our lives away. yet what of abandon, what of longing, and yet what of hope?
"Reis und Schein...auf dem...Hören die Welt...aus Geben...Du dar...Was Ist denn Los...aus!"
"Sie Kommt." "Welken Sie Bäde."
"Alles Ist Zehn auf zu Wissel Zehn."
"So Ist Denn Fahlen...Was Ist Los?"
"So Friede Seinen!" "Helga...Was Ist Los?"
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
the key issue in the future is whether anything continues or not so that what is not apparent might not happen at all. this is to say that that that is not well remembered may not even exist metaphysically and so that there is no need to dwell on it. what is past may recur only slightly in the future as a shaded repeat like an alternative timeline.
who is she? what will she do next? what is real and what is apparent is that she continues to say the least.
the size of the problem illustrated by the past for decades yet is what concerns mental convolutions. that is to say that i can yet still remember, whether fortuitously or not. lack of sufficient memory blocks further thought sometimes and only fragments of voices or mood of the past may remain.
weight that large then and the alternative nothing. am i prepared still?
clearly the size of mental capacity is what concern. what of my physical dexterity and emotional tolerance? who i am is clear to me. very much is the case that i do not dwell on the future but mayhap my present is certainly not wondrous to think of.
Saturday, July 16, 2016
the machine, the electricity that flows, the switch, the button, and what you see? take for example, the miniature plastic rubber doll, with heavy duty batteries, see it move, see it dance, hear it sing, a trophy doll in the presentation package.
persistent stress, persistent strain, peristrait in bed. what next? once i get out of bed, i need to level up!
emotionally speaking there is fear, anger, hate, love, want, happy, sorrow. not in any particular order. normal, what is it? the capacity to cope in the situation. however we are also guided by other forces, other emotions, other electric parts of ourselves. what of longing, what of hope, what of funny, indeed what new terms can there be?
electric, then perhaps lecre and ectra could explain motivation in life, if you know what i mean!
suggesting that emotions might be more important that reasoning, that some will not be held back by any logical argument preventing them from proceeding with their planning for life.
Friday, June 17, 2016
just like the past. fill in the gap. now onward. i sense something. don't get mixed up. streaming it. pulling it. don't slip. we are just sampling the past. the present. the future. fill in the pattern.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
1 and 2 and 3
then 3 went on to 6
now 5 is preceded by 4 is it not
and 7 followed by 8
and 11 by 12
round to 8 again
how to get to 10?
well 10 divided by 5 is 2 is it not?
add 8 to get to 10 which is
besides 9 or rather
beside 9 which is
iff or if and only if you start at the end
which is 10
and it starts with 1 or zero
Saturday, May 21, 2016
which happened afterwards, all those things that we did, left behind in the past, to the town fair we went, i spoke, praising such, and show to you, behold this large event.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
post partum in excelsis, motive interest can be explained by short term demand which naturally expires, in short success or solution might be adequately provable by equation or formula over time.
in the event that nothing can explain duration, only that the past prevails and becomes more significant over time, not that time explains everything but which that happened.
to sense what is not observable exactly is a criteria of existence and what is it all about anyway?
Se + Li + So + Re < WHOLE
other theoretical motions indicate possibilities that can only be discounted by applying constraints, for in total consideration, not everything is observed to be in contact.
time in motor situation seems different from static and is not often memorable.
when situational change is not observed theoretically space is not stable and the line of travel indistinct.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
enzyme path reaction reduces complexes after relieving emitting pulse radiation and focus on NaCl in particular. route of particles from A to B through a close network of atomic structure of Na and Cl reduces chemicals. enzymes such as amylase and other peptides react with salts to produce such a chain reaction. now further study of reactions involves ketones, amino acids, platinum and ferric oxides, pentoxides, and aluminium, and sulphates, and a conceptually new chemical element varium and its trioxides and pentoxides. oxidation releases oxygen and reduction into equilibrium.
Friday, April 29, 2016
where personal gets close is where person begins.
what reason to be personal? and what is a person? how to behave? have a go, fuck it, do something. now the past prevails surely? if ever if became a concern, you must study past behaviour, surely it explains somewhat the present situation? get up and go, and start! what put this idea in my head, put a person on top? errors in the past restrict the future, indeed limit the present, why did someone not do?
have you seen the part where you noticed something and then it became personal?
Sunday, April 24, 2016
LD > 0 ; LD = W + T
what latent demand is about in general is clear. what is wanted to been seen and heard, already thought about, to be experienced in real life. the tourism business flourishes, people travel around the world.
the business makes decisions. they know it will sell once available. promotion helps.
imagine it this way, you will see that, and this is the start of the process...
D < LD
when demand is smaller than supply, business becomes poor. whether this is because people take advantage of knowledge of latent demand and are quick to supply is another question. when supply for latent demand is realized, it is rarely at a price that is just right to clear the market immediately.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
examine theoretically, an instance where 4 girls, name Julie, meet for a day out in London and eventually go their separate ways after lunch. they are at the same school and this is their day off.
what happens after lunch they visit a museum and shortly afterwards, one leaves to go back to school, and then two leave together, leaving the last one not knowing what to do exactly.
at school they sit in the same class, one in the front, one in the middle, and two together at the back.
why could this happen like this? suggest first that the two who pair off sit at the back together anyway and the situation becomes clearer.
whether the Julie who leaves first is the one at the front or the back is the question?
posit the Julie in the middle is probably neither very social nor very studious, the Julie at the front the most serious about class and therefore serious about the day out in London.
Friday, April 8, 2016
what is schizophrenia? how did it become 99th percentile measure? strange thoughts, hearing wild, what? your world unstable, you have, in a sense, disconnected, so well, what's the building like now, where am i?
how self aware are you? how do you, as a person, affect other people? some may never say to your face, they even know what you're thinking and what you're going to do, yet they not let slip...
and what were you like before? actually, you've lost something of yourself, perhaps you are inactive now, loss of affect about you.
qualms about the world, and, not coming up with any answers, after such happened and, it all goes quiet, what disturbs the mind means loss of affect?
Sunday, April 3, 2016
en quoi de vouloir, c'est quoi de choisir, surtout vous en prix, un jeu d'amour, ce qu'elles voient, mais en prix, de langue, et l'enfant, ce qu'il demande, quoi de chose?
de penser, et de comment, parce qu'un départ pour, par exemple, de marquis de Capet du Dionne, c'est un choix de vie, il y a beaucoup de choses, pour l'homme, pour la femme, pour choisir, peu de baisse, un peu de forte. qui est-ce et ce que quoi?
merveilleux et magnifique, la pointe, c'est de la gloire, remercier, toute de rapidement.
ce qu'on voit, c'est parce qu'ils aiment de quoi, pour le choix, pour la femme, de joue vous en prix.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
how to frame the argument? we find truths that we are certain of and we put them together and make conclusions and then act upon them. is it not a leap of faith to go on anything thought about? would only disaster strike prove the theory wrong?
we try to cover all aspects of the subject, search for clues from experience, and then we move to extrapolate perhaps and theorize and categorize data and information.
at times we are hard pushed to further the frame when a ton of distraction lies in our way and often it is hard to bang on down the line and not digress from the topic. it is rather hard to concentrate, to fully attack the problem and win.
lay out the grid, try further categories, what other examples are there? expand on it. do give it a go!
Saturday, March 19, 2016
you're in a mess, what can you do about it? not much you think, but still, what could the cloud of culture particles tell me? here i sit, soaked in the atmosphere of town life, the computer and the internet environment, but the world is unstable, much has passed and gone, and i'm stuck in the past about many things.
where does it come from? what does it mean? i can imagine much, but truth be told, i don't know. without force, i think of many things, but it goes around in a loop.
what is it all about? something pop culture, something life experience? anyway, just sitting here, www on, me thinking away... how does this make sense? need the keys to unlocking this, what idea, what concept could, if it occurred to me, would explain what the atmosphere, the cloud, here, all around me, is about?
is it travel? a car, a train, a boat, a ship? what? thought lies in the difficulty, usually. does it explain any parts i hadn't thought of already?
generally, turning on the PC, hooking up to the internet, and so on, inevitably you think about the social network, the business network, even programming, switches in electronics, current terminology, trendy themes in the media, buzzwords as they are called, now it's global or not, globalization, standards met, so on...
working on the blog, being regular and all, need ideas, fresh out of ideas, what do you do? go out, stew indoors, what exactly?
walking in the mist, pebbles and stones beneath feet, turning, around the bend
a figure crouched by a tree, a meeting, an instance, a precedent
now i see more, much more, the sun is rising, the colours bloom, irradiating my world
in the dusk, when i close my eyes, i still see yet
schizophrenia has begun
a rainbow swirl of colour in my world
Saturday, March 12, 2016
least bits of matter, adjoined to their neighbours, porosity of space a concept, that is, gaps in between where nothing exists, when each least bit of matter changes state, it affects its neighbours.
what is space but a heap of what looks like prickly gems connected to each other? when it changes, like it's saying become like me, or the same, speculatively, if a group of neighbours become similar, at the border, affect is less from the central least bit of matter, and what is beyond is affected by some other least bit of matter or is in itself experiencing sharp change.
the illusion of free movement, physical motion, shift, swivel, pull towards, push forwards.
Monday, March 7, 2016
entry server, combine, swell the cloud, target server, release, recombine, rebuild.
step by step, in stages, that's how it works, how the computers move before processing anything. really, how do computers interface with other computers, or printers, just for that matter? that was the question, and yet still is, although later it was certainly about the server and the internet, support for the server, addresses and IP.
could a computer replicate from the server? how does it interpret the signal?
technically speaking, is wireless radiation through space method of transmission? can it be embargoed or blockaded? what about the permeability of space, that the signal copied down the line, up to the server, is the same thing at the receiving end? is it a wide receiver, like a giant all band radio receiver? response time loading a page from the world wide web or www, for short, on the internet is critical in judging many things, not only the permeability of space, whether a signal can flow, how fast also, but also the distance of the server.
what would make life confusing? probably not the virtual reality helmet and all round treadmill to give the illusion of physical motion, but the 3D graphics generator for the ultimate PC, don't you think? could a computer do all that with the light? could it really talk? is the computer same as a human? here's a thought experiment, the basic player venue simulated on your PC, only to be delighted by the processing of speech bubbles! how my PC played me!
your computer move
Saturday, February 27, 2016
so, let's imagine you've just bought your ship for 4,000 credits, your basic starter starship at the dealer, and you've settled into the seat, you're the driver! check all the controls that adjust the view, the steer, for roll, up down for takeoff and landing, left right for turn, and throttles, check, navigation console, check. dunno how it happened, really, but with the starship they had to expand the rules of physics!
the motor car or automobile changed Earth! about moving parts, friction, heat, gauge, worn and torn parts. closed box system, how real are moving parts in the darkness?
now Kere, what system is this? why not Afik? or Edim? it seems brave, doesn't it, to jump to another system, based on a readout from a navigation console?
to think carefully on how hyperdrive works, perhaps the windows or observation panels contain image layers of arrival points to effect arrival from hyperspace, with the radio channel tuned in to destination.
well, is it dangerous? the voyage to somewhere else always carries inherent risk, even crossing the road is dangerous, why would you want to do it? as someone who went all the way buying a ship, that is a bit obvious. but can you really fly? how many times before you passed your atmosphere driving test? the advanced planetfall course?
Kere, lush forest, sandy beaches, rolling green hills, huge city. why not?
Saturday, February 20, 2016
and you pass through a place in London like Oxford Street, you have the buses, the taxis, tourists, a crowd of people that remind you that you are not alone. in the bus from Victoria Station, it is nice, Hyde Park Corner, Park Lane, then onto Oxford Street, everyone seems lively, a lot to say. if everyone is in a world of their own, perhaps here is where they meet.
where does the Earth population, growing, where's it come from? now Earth is one world, if you like, there was an alternate life before.
what does it seem? posh, worldly, experienced. and education is so expensive nowadays. people have a presence, what is that about, light, sound, accent, what?
i think everyone has heard of the Great Exhibition of 1851 and so London has continued, the streets a parade of people, everyone wondering what the latest thing is.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
so it's true, it ain't no one man reality, my human ego is not that big. there are others, how many lifeforms could there be?
they say two is company, three's a crowd, one man two women or one woman and two men, but it ain't that kind of reality either so what can one say?
that sometimes nobody could help you, you're on your own, just seems true. that you could never be someone else with their individual senses is also true. like who saw what and when?
what's the polar opposite of solipsism? is it dependency without sense of self?
Monday, February 15, 2016
in '86, it was a fine time to be in London. it all seemed to be happening in most parts, in the East End, at Middlesex Street Market near Aldgate, the City of London, in the West End, though, it was much more quieter than now, the streets weren't heaving with bodies like Oxford Street now on a busy day.
I read The Guardian, The Times, the opticians were professional. later on, I spotted The Tatler in a newsagent in Charing Cross Road in Chinatown, a kind of highly detailed guide of what makes snob in England, interesting at first, fresh and new, but I couldn't keep up with my subscription much later on.
to me, London prices were cheap, I was so impressed by that, that prices have gone up times three or thereabouts in my time influences me.
Bromley, one of the other two, the other being Croydon, in the East and the South, is much changed. they place a large shopping mall in town, The Glades, it makes a lot of difference.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
"what i wanted to say to you, was, i thought you had something, not what i expected, but it worked out in the end."
"thank you for saying that."
"you were prepared. i thought you didn't have it in you at first, what you managed to do, was fantastic. i'm sorry if i offended you."
"it's all right."
"you're a nitpicker, you've got an eye for detail, obviously."
"do you need any more help?"
"i'll be all right. thanks."
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
in space, proximity or distance matters, always. the chain, the network, the group.
i'm right by you, i'm with you, and sometimes nothing else matters. the groups out there, they are so busy sometimes, and so are we too as well, sometimes.
well, i heard it man, and it seems true. in the meantime, guess what, i got a lot of things going on here, and good luck to you too!
we just started here, got a thing going on. thank you!
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
"well, there's the question, have i had enough of this? and you know, maybe there's a limit to everything, really how far did you want to go with this, anyway."
"go on, i mean, i have an idea how serious i am..."
"the question is, am i playing or not. let's get off this. i'm gonna introduce a new word, quodity, what is that about? really, you have to ask yourself, what does it want out of me? you know, when the girl or guy starts asking personal questions, you know they're interested. you're a commodity, i don't know about what."
"meaning what? is it like, this is just a game or when i walk out the door, i'm gonna find out how serious it is?"
"that's exactly it, there's an audience there, you know it. so you're thinking, what just happened? and i mean, really, if you're willing to go all the way, you want the universal ideal, it could happen pretty fast."
"i'll come back to it again. explain yourself to yourself first."
Sunday, February 7, 2016
let the null hypothesis be that separate realities hook up every night or day for some time and then leave eventually only to return again and again making a nonsense of universal time and space.
is this falsifiable? really?
note that this is reality where physical motion is not real. anyone who likes thinking about this might conclude that where physical motion is not even real such collisions and contact made are impossible.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
on drawing speculative diagrams of what space might look like, considering the possible arrangement of least bits of matter, there are clearly two broad types of chains, single width and multiple width, judging on number of points of contact.
on macro scale, that is scaling up, personal space bubbles can so be considered as well. and why do we know so little about other people? because each personal bubble space is a zone of space where there is self involvement to a great degree, least bits of matter in the zone affect each other rather more than interact with external space. the field of think is closely connected to the senses and you can only know what you think. what happens further away you sense less, it is about proximity, just as eyesight declines at a distance. containment is the concept, obviously it is not total or we would never know anything about other people.
single width chains are perhaps rare, a blockade of transitional change or flow may occur easily. where there are multiple chains or rather where least bits of matter are tightly packed communication is freer as there are several routes of flow.
it seems that there must be vacuums in space, where matter does not exist. least bits of matter do not make complete contact with their neighbours. it is an interesting question whether chains could form a ring of least bits of matter with a vacuum in the middle, perhaps not.
as for personal space bubbles, a large one may contain personal space bubbles within itself. how alone do you feel? it is not easy for someone surrounded by other people in real space to experience solipsism you would think.
Friday, December 25, 2015
it is apparent that the conscious person is, if you like, in the driver's seat in life. you have, in fixed real space, an immobile clump of matter, call it consciousness, or think, surrounded by light, sound, in a working system, and consciousness manipulates the field around it. "brain in a vat" is quite a material description, and what is material, after all? light makes illusion and what seems material is in some sense a trick of the light, the material can be seen, first of all. indeed, the material involves light and its rules and the sense of touch. in reality the think matter in your head is surrounded by different matter, least bits of matter connected in a numerically huge network, all chained together.
you might think that consciousness is special, as it is the driver. it seems the field around it is all for the driver, so to speak. or you could think that the consciousness has a job, a responsibility, as it has control. but really, what can the consciousness know but its own consciousness first of all, is that why consciousness is special?
what is thought? well, you can think about light, sound, that is, other types of matter, very real things, or it could become abstract. why do we use language? what is the power of certain words? unique words change the think crystals in our heads a certain way, we arrive at something abstract. posit that our native languages are not truly learned with any effort, that such a language with its words naturally lead to certain states of meaning in our heads.
the question becomes what is the limit of abstract thought? it is noticeable, asleep, we have thoughts that we cannot define or easily explain, a general mood often being the only explanation. while we are awake, the think is less abstract, we often think about light and sound, that's where the bias is. asleep, it is more abstract.
what is the original state of consciousness? is there a cycle in which reset to the original states for each think least bit of matter happens? well, can we remember time zero? what is the original balance between real and abstract thought?
Saturday, October 24, 2015
to any student of history, contradictory or alternative accounts bring into the mind a certain dissonance, and thus doubt. is such history true record or merely rather abstract, imaginative collections of themes and stories that blend detail with archetype, action with motive, paranoia with ambition, event with hyperbole, and so on? are these myths or legends, are these historical characters alive all around us, and in us even? and do we play up to history?
i mean, if we assume that the worst, which we all think about in our most paranoid state, does not actually happen, what then? is this an existential problem? a lot of bad things don't happen to us personally, but could they be real for other people? war is a series of motions, to be quite neutral about it, but i digress. and exaggeration works to stimulate interest, and symbolism and imagery impress the reader.
now this is a world of complexes, this is a metaphysical truth, there are, if you like, bundles of ideas and words and images that come together, either without much conscious effort, or with. to lie down and let your imagination wander happens to everyone. to deconstruct and interpret the most gaudy work of history, we should recognize the ornamental nature of its exposition. imagine the bright, colourful illustrations, the portraits, the weapons, the machines, the vehicles, the maps, the treasure, the clothes, the food, the banquets, the marriages. it would deal with the themes of rivalry, war, romance, ambition, failure, birth, life and death, family, travel, religion, politics, and change. now all these things affect everyone. how much are you like anyone in history? how much of history is true about you?
to be philosophical, the truest record of history that you could truly know, without contact with anyone else, would be your own diary, if you kept one. also, that people think about false things is without doubt. that a crazy mind might see and read false things is the next logical step. and that any record is perhaps unstable and liable to mutation is also true, as time means change.
Monday, October 19, 2015
"so i think about my eyesight and hearing...we're audio visual animals, but i'm sure i'm not entirely what i see and hear right? there are other things, invisible to me, around me...the whole computer thing now, the cloud, i'm surrounded by an invisible cloud of information, and there's the whole machinery of everything that connects me to Earth, that controls what i see and hear, right? what do i call it, my eyesight and hearing? i think i'll call it the 3D audio visual projection field. and maybe everything you see exists in micro form, and it's encoded too, and then it is projected somehow in front of me, i can see it, and you know of course we can see what others see too."
"that's how we live in the same world, Earth."
"right. the problem i have is how does it seem so solid, what i see, that it seems like that's all that's there? i have a focus, i see what i focus on, the rest not so clear, but how can there be anything else that's there, in the focus area?"
"here i think we have to deal with the porosity of the field, what you see seems solid, seems a contiguous image with no gaps, but it's simply not true. the 3D audio visual projection field, the 3DAVPF, is porous, there are gaps."
"right, so maybe it seems there are no gaps, but an image that seems planar, seems contiguous, it's still projected at various distances so only seems non-porous."
"right. the question is how much of matter is used at the focus to render images and sound in the 3D audio visual projection field? 20%? 70%?"
"you know it seems most of it. it's ridiculous that it seems 100% of course. how much power does the 3DAVPF use, if we thought about it terms of electricity, like an electrical machine? i mean no wonder it's exhausting to be awake for a long time, it uses so much electrical power."
Saturday, October 17, 2015
what of love lost, a failed romance, to scar forever the hearts of the couple involved? and from heartbreak to the death of romantic feeling, Menemeides and Amronoeia turned away from each other, both abandoned, a vacuum where love once grew, now empty.
perhaps only the capricious in heart could fall in love so easily, for just as unaccountable as the end was when it came, so too was the premise of this romantic adventure. Menemeides, in temperament, was not a proud man, nor one for excessive vainglory in life. Fate placed the couple together, and for a time, it was wondrous in experience. Menemeides thought Amronoeia very nice and he validated her sense of self. Amronoeia was loquacious and had an easy charm about her. however she, and perhaps Menemeides too, in his own way, were both judgmental in nature and placed value in conversation.
now easy words from loose tongues turn, when angry, confused and frustrated, and in haste, and when enveloped by the toxic atmosphere of prejudice and envy, to harsh words. that a couple should come together, that two worlds should be connected, is not an unobserved event. perhaps the goddesses watch, perhaps there were antagonists at work? that Menemeides always hoped perchance to impress with his words, that it seemed Amronoeia cared not came as a cruel blow to him. that his pride suffered is not true, for he was not proud, and do very proud people ever fall in love, truly? he felt only sorrow. and his silence seemed to Amronoeia that he now cared little or nothing.
now the audience may judge that Menemeides did not feel respect adequately, neither for himself first of all, for his sorrow lessened his faith in his own capacity distorting his self opinion to a grotesque caricature of inadequacy, and of course secondly, for Amronoeia. he simply could not forgive nor accept Amronoeia for what she was, someone who makes mistakes she regrets. of course Menemeides was capable of more. he could not see himself as the provider of comfort or a person of responsibility. Amronoeia, searching for signs that his love was not killed by one instance of a horrible malefication of words was heartbroken by the seeming absence of his love now.
it should be stated that for anyone to hold the spoken word as important, always risks the chance that it will turn tragic for just as free thought is out of our control sometimes, so is the spoken word or speech.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
on meeting it is often somewhat surprising what transpires sometimes, is it mere exchange of words, a glance in the direction of another's face, or rather, much much more? what exactly is given? it is a fallacy that light is all the same, it is a fallacy then, much more obviously, that all words sound the same, that words may be delivered in an accent unique to the individual, is plain to all. a person has its own light, it may have its own sound, to remove the concept of the personal unique from science is a grave omission, is it not? what matter is here may not be what matter is elsewhere, it may not be the same or even similar in quality.
an emotional expression, often realized in the face of another, or cast in an aura that stretches across space, is not exactly easily definable, perhaps, but rather evident sometimes. what is it? is it about the other person's emotions, of want and happy perhaps, or their light, or some complex of thoughts and ideas, or a mixture?
it would be remiss of any final form of science or metaphysics, to make an omission of this, to refuse to deal with this subject at all. that we are affected by others' emotions is not to be refuted. the original state of people's minds and their emotions and thoughts is not to be neglected. modernity, meeting, change, all these things conspire to transform, what people originally were may be shocking, the unreconstructed form of the person at time zero.
on the obvious, most meetings are about exchange of words. we could muse whether we hear exactly the sound at the other end of the audio stream, the voice of the other person, but this seems futile. we attach great import to what is actually said, more than what they think. but why? people do not necessarily say what they truly want to say or believe. in an angry moment, they might make a complete nonsense of speech, and live to regret what they said.
emotional expression, hard to qualify, but easy to recognize, is rather a volatile condition, certainly at target distance. even for yourself, it is somewhat of a delicate balancing act.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
history may seem remote, it may seem dense, somewhat impenetrable, almost irrelevant in its obscurity, sometimes. with the advent of historical fiction, gross revisionism, and the change of focus in the media, what is history and what is legend, or myth, remains a matter of some confusion. how the historian deals with facts and figures of note, how he or she fashions it into a work of history, ready to be read, is a question that many have. the answer is that the historian writes about what is important or clear to him or her, in his or her own mind, primarily.
that truly the world population is static, or that the population of the universe never really changes is a concept. all the people that ever were, still are, and always will be. do people really change?
English history, with the Anglo Saxons, with their short, monosyllabic words, and halting style, the historical legends that everyone has heard of, Merlin the wizard, King Henry VIII and his marriage troubles, Robin Hood, the Magna Carta, and the English sense of fairness, in fair play, in a fair deal, and the Court of Elizabeth I and the favourite, Earl of Essex, and the Court of James I and the favourite, Duke of Buckingham. in all these historical legends, there is the faintest sense of failure in all these accounts. personal relationships are key, what is one without the other? how did the man who became Duke of Buckingham catch the eye of James I? and without the king, what of Buckingham?
that history itself survives is a testament to its relevance. types persist, circumstances repeat themselves, though granted, it is most shocking to see history replay itself in public!
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
"so i had this idea years ago, actually, several ideas, maybe a couple, you know, 2, maybe 3. and this idea just came to me. i was somewhere, maybe i was in public doing my shopping or whatever, and i just thought of this thing, and i've been wondering about this all my life."
"when did you have this idea?"
"i don't know, maybe 17 or 18 years ago. i had a full mental life then, you know? i don't know what happened. maybe i got tired, maybe i got old, or something."
"so, in your subconscious, or your unconscious? you've had this a long time. when other ideas attach themselves, i don't know, maybe you have something. it's a little dangerous."
"dangerous? i've never had a lot of time in my life, maybe if i had more time? anyway, i can see the danger in a lot of things."
"life is dangerous? so what? tell me about this idea."
"well, to go into it in any depth would only reveal my inadequacy at explaining things in detail. so, anyway, i put this old idea together with another idea, and bang, suddenly comprehension. you know what it seems?"
"anyone can do it? if you only thought about putting different ideas together, magic would happen? it's a tired story."
"really, i didn't say it was easy. you're too hard on yourself, i think. maybe i'm too easy. i don't know."
"you think i'm hard on myself? you have no idea. sometimes. i get bored and then i get angry. i think, you don't have the time for this. anyway, so you put a few ideas together in a new way and you get what? the realization that they are related concepts in reality?"
"exactly. so, you seem you know a lot about this. it's deceptive. you think, why didn't i think of this then. if only..."
"it's like history. history gets revised. it's called revisionism."
"well that's brutal. but true. i guess we're getting there. at least i hope so."
"let's hope so."
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
to have an ego is embarrassing at times, the big i am on the spot, the things you don't want other people to know about yourself necessarily. an ego may be an obstacle in human relations. when it's entirely about me how could it be about you therefore?
what does the ego want? can it happen? the ego is value judgmental, is obstinate, is inclined toward angry outbursts when it is frustrated. okay, i don't want all this...
when it is true, the ego provides a measure of security, to be clear about what you are is not always a bad thing. but to be self obsessed in company presents a difficult situation. to have a running battle with your own ego demand and what other people want in the situation is hard. you could wax lyrical about yourself but you remain without the sympathy of the crowd.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
he complained of recurring nightmares of school, the people unrecognizable and the school the same. typically, in senior school, in the corridors and not in class, identities remained as before. this was a reminder that he remained in some part, forever a pupil or undergraduate.
of his school report in the third year of primary school, ages six to seven, in Bermuda, it read thus that he was far too talkative, a disruptive influence on the other pupils. in Fifth Form, in Britain, his Chemistry master criticized his attitude in class.
attention to detail and a continuing interest in the arcane subjects separated him from others. expertise in one small area details your niche in life. unexpected success made his situation doubly ironic, for although he was noted for his study, he never attended graduation ceremony and he was famous in the world of academia, yet never had to speak of it in public.
Friday, August 28, 2015
how sleep first happened, let's examine that, so a lot to think about the first day, many questions, so we can conclude drowsiness led from mental exhaustion, originally. people who think a lot, who really push, fall asleep in a snap moment.
now a lot of people are into physical exercise, they find that works too, a slow slide to sleep.
traditionally, dinner was most important, from dusk into the early hours of the night, and it was huge compared to breakfast and lunch. after dinner, rather faint, stagger to bed, finding a position, and to sleep.
these ways kill the wide awake state.
what is being asleep? in my experience, cloudy vague thoughts, lucidity gone, and a reset in sensation or feeling.
Friday, August 21, 2015
and the world was
in that year
the people pondered thus
where was the world
to bridge all worlds
to divide all that was common
to share in the fruit of the harvest
that could be given without expense
the boys and the girls
a dancing party of men and women
here to say but nothing else
and at night
a shimmering image of person
a fork in the way
where to turn next
and the days passed
relaxing in the garden outside
a shining beacon of hope
turn away turn away
where to the future we move
crisscrossing real space is a network of these lines, these pipelines are lines of attack, composed of least bits of matter joined together changing their neighbours to transfer a difference in state through the pipeline. when the other side somewhere else is passive, a flurry of change near the start end lifts the pipeline, so to speak, forcing a delivery of change at the other end.
damage to the pipeline means it is blocked. when unblocked one end has reset.
the social network depends on the integrity of these pipelines. activity in zones in space can disrupt the pipelines.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
"it was so fascinating..."
"he is! well dodgy, inni, what a cunt! wonderful person!"
"well it's not that bad."
"isn't it? i know you think that. but i'm not sure."
"look. it's going well. there's no problem yet. it hasn't surfaced."
"so why's it like that? i think it will be all right...you know?"
"there must be something in it...why do i have to wait?"
"there's more to...maybe we should go."
"do i reek? i've been over there forever. really, i just want to get it all over with."
"come on Jessica. let's go."
"okay, i guess. we'll go. i can't wait around."
"oh hi...i'm Jessica. these are my acolytes."
"where are you going?"
"i don't know yet. it's getting really uncomfortable around here. do you have any ideas?"
"what about the library?"
"the library. sure, why not? Julie, my husband tells me I should loosen up. what do you think? i agree."
"oh i got married when i was five. let's go to the library!"
Sunday, August 9, 2015
"Das Mädchen. Hier."
"Wir haben ein grosse Menü. Das Hotel ist das grösste. Shopping. Clothes. Bar."
"Danke. Wir haben das set Menü bitte."
"Das Mädchen? Fräulein? Was haben Sie?"
"Die Rechnung? Was kostet das?"
"Ein moment. Hier."
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
the line of futile questioning goes something like this, why do i exist, of course, there is no explanation for why you or reality exists, you simply must accept that it does, that you exist, that other people exist, there is no why. for when does it make sense to ask why? the usual answer to why, actually, is that something came before, that before C and D came A and B. to think of all that exists in real space may boggle the mind, for you only knew so much at the beginning of time, barely yourself, actually.
in my case, as it began at time zero, a mist covered landscape, stones, trees, blue sky, dim light, walking forwards, in a dress, thinking, the sound of my name, this is my story. to deal with the personal in science seems almost a contradiction in terms, the bias in 20th Century AD science is that all is impersonal and that the same applies everywhere, only quantum mechanics seems to accept that the personal matters. in considering real space, composed of chains of least bits of matter, it would be simplistic to quickly divide up the total map of reality into personal zones, everyone in their own personal bubble space, space could look like a chained mass of soap bubbles, each soap bubble representing a person.
now very much hangs on the question, what is a person? now, i could see a lot at the beginning, i thought thoughts in my head, and what i saw was connected to my head. of course, i cannot see to infinity, at some point my vision ends. assume particle traffic between points in my own personal bubble space is high, internal communication is high. so what limits could there be between two people? the range of personal light? the range of personal think matter?
why are there many people? well, why are there many least bits of matter?
i admit i cannot remember thinking about other people at the beginning, at time zero. i held only myself in mind. that the population seemed ever higher with time was true, beyond what most people could think about. that other people are different in some ways seems true, if only in that they could not be the same as you yourself.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
"i'm made up of lots of parts. i am the sum total of my parts, right? are any of my parts alone? not really! so of course i can't really believe in this total aloneness. can i see what other people see? all i know is me and what comes from elsewhere."
"tell me about what you think of yourself. why do you think of yourself as a dependent person."
"maybe i know myself very well maybe i don't, sure, i surprise myself sometimes but i'm not as shocking as other people! the question is whether you think of all of this reality as a whole. i think of it as connected parts. so you see i read other people's work, stuff i couldn't possibly come up with on my own, so i know other people are real, in as far as i define a unique person. i depend on other people. of course, still, i have to manage my life."
"do you prefer your own company? what are your thoughts?"
"i don't know. other people are something i can't fully comprehend."
"your focus determines a lot. you can only think about so much at a time. where none of this concerns you could be happening right now and you might never know. where you become independent is when you realize you're on your own out there."
"i find solipsism very frightening. yet i know it can't be true."
"you're your own man. you look for company. but you should realize that sometimes all that matters is what's going on with you yourself."
Sunday, July 26, 2015
by this i mean really in the middle economically, it's both interesting from a behavioral economic view and from a social perspective, economists are interested in how they behave as agents in the economy, to judge what is happening right now and what will probably happen in the future.
by "level" read completely average, so employed, young probably or middle aged, a real consumer to be monitored. but how could an economically unactive or inactive person be considered middle class anyway? we assume that the middle class is the largest group today by income and wealth comparison.
what is the upper class? the richest, most powerful? economically this is true but social distinctions confuse the issue. there is a legacy that remains in the collective memory. that society economically observed is mobile or fluid is the case.
spending drives the economy. watch the young household, with children, they need all kinds of consumer goods and services, leisure and entertainment. the young tend to spend freely. older people, with retirement looming and no further income guaranteed, may be more cautious and become economically less important.
the level middle class make the pace. socially, of course, they are not necessarily a cohesive group, in that they mix only with each other, that's probably not the case. the 27 year old male, level middle class, working, average income, shops a lot, goes on holidays, has friends and family, may not stay in the same class all his life though.
level middle class demand is what determines a large proportion of supply in the economy.
as it is now, geographical navigation in abstract is according to map, two points enjoined in a linear fashion, one geographical unit has its neighbours, all contiguous and connected, and over long geographical distances, travel is tortuous with so many places in between that make disinterest.
imagine hyperdrive then, instead of travelling from one geographical unit to one beside, all the way, could you, in your hyperdrive fitted starship, in one short period of time leap to one geographical unit far away?
how would it appear? window shutters activated and down, so nothing to see outside, hyperdrive kicks in, the starship disappears from where it was, the leap complete, hyperdrive deactivated, the starship is somewhere else!
what is hyperdrive in this context? that visual based on geography and plan or map is a virtual construct, plugged into a world system, you see based on that. if only you could hack the visual system for everyone on board, change the system to allow hyperdrive leaps, why not?
scientifically how could it work? the engine is about light. if you saw on the shutters a 3D image of outside where the starship destination will be, relayed by telecommunications, if the hyperdrive circuitry contained images of the destination and that was displayed on screens inside all during the journey, maybe? someone in the ship from the destination, surely? and when the shutters open the passengers see outside at the destination point!
perhaps drawing up a map of planets and star systems in 2D would never be that satisfying and makes hyperdrive leap theory difficult. change one conventional assumption, that the map is stable! what if star systems and planets changed their relative positions all the time?
hyperdrive leap in an instant is, in effect, teleportation. if everyone could teleport, it would make hyperdrive all the more likely.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
"here i am. here to call out something. and you're here. what am i?"
"you're the one i see in front of me. what happens now?"
"well, i'm happy. spread the happy!"
"i guess i'll say something about me. what have i done? what can you do?"
"well, okay then. i guess i could, maybe that too."
"right. it's done then. i'll turn away right now."
"don't turn away from me! are you really leaving me now?"
"see you later!"
Sunday, July 19, 2015
"i like to watch the business parts, the day goes by fast, generally, in some cases, we go in completely unprepared. in slow time, i have to think about my part, especially. why should anyone have to wonder about their role, even it seems unorganized in the process of putting it all together?"
"what about the name?"
"it reminds me of a recurring sound in the background, sounds like hoema, but HoHoHemano sounds more jolly, more masculine, i don't know."
"it sounds Christmasy, not a bad thing, mind you. i'm imagining a jolly, formal Christmas."
"maybe. i don't think Santa minds!"
"tell me about this sound, a little more, please."
"well, it actually sounds a little medical, don't you think? like haemotosis or something. i've heard it loud, i don't know where it comes from, you know?"
"okay, great. i suppose business attaches itself to a name, why not? three Hs, that's new, i'm visualizing shiny and brand new!"
"right, the one thing, when you front someone, maybe it's a girl, maybe it's not, you really have got to be crystal clear about the idea of what you're about to say, okay? don't gush all over her. it's gonna sound blunt afterwards, even maybe during, but that's what i do."
"what does that mean?"
"it's not good staying off either end, you know what i mean, you have to put yourself at the front end. it's frightening at first, maybe every time actually, but that's the way it is. seem you have affection. any reaction is better than no reaction in my opinion."
"what if they say..."
"well, that's difficult. don't make them angry. if they don't agree with what you're saying, you're in trouble, i gotta admit, that's why it's like that."
"ha ha ha."
"what do you have in common? what do all people with a body have in common? you really have to think about things like this, i mean, come on."
"so i might say i just had a haircut, what's my story? you know, just go with it."
"so at the end, when it comes...you're not going to be prepared for it, the twist, that is."
"great, give me another."
"i mean it, when it hits you, you'll be wondering what happened!"
"really, go on."
"you see...it's about making a difference at the ending. if you end on the same note, the same scene, for example...what's different? everything that happened before, right? i mean, it could look exactly the same except for one part. that's just an example."
"you mean like something out of place? i don't think just repeating the first scene...with something different...maybe you're right."
"what i mean is, there has to be a something shockingly different that happens, that completely upsets the view of the audience at the end, from what they were led to believe, like what happened at the beginning."
"right, so, killing off the perception of the audience it had about the first half and starting something new."
"right, that's it, and it even leaves it wide open for a sequel. that's great, isn't it?"
Saturday, July 18, 2015
in the train, back to home, what crosses her mind? that home is best? that public transport is an effort in itself? that that inspires fantasy about travel is rather lost in the moment, the hurly burly of getting to the station, waiting on platform, thinking of something to do in the train, else stare out the window, why did she come here in the first place?
what called her there was out of her control mostly, this is what happens to type. that there is much attention is off putting, one of life's hurdles, to be dealt with seriously at the time.
that the prospectus was enticing, according to appearance. it was much mentioned, in the same breath as the other place, is the full answer. was it a social paradise? social types parading through the grounds and in the streets, living it up, R. and R. in town.
i've imagined it well, really well, actually! somewhere east of Tonbridge, in the Kent Downs, far downhill from Orpington, a fantastic house, overlooking the Downs, the serviceable rooms at the front, black and white checkerboard tiles, a magnificent staircase leading up to one continuous bedroom, a bed forty foot wide, pillars, and seemingly infinite at the rear! one day, perhaps, on a wild drive in the country, she will come upon it, down a winding tree littered rough road, exactly as i've imagined it!
take Col de Rett, a young man of London, for example, here we have a person, a noble young lad, full of good intentions, into business, into life, interested in everything and everyone, what has he to offer?
of life, quite a lot. judged by everyone older, he seems likely to succeed, personable, friendly, what an example to us all! marked by experience, wiser by the hour when it gets hard, maybe pushed on by his own ambition, when will he graduate to the next level up? does he get good service? of course! on and off, he wonders what will happen, will later life be as smooth as it is now?
apple of his father's eye? does he measure up? how much does he want?
of course, he's a vain man, and why not? always looking to be validated by his peers, always talking up the situation. it's one thing to think it, another to hear it from someone else!
Monday, July 13, 2015
"man, what am i looking at? do these numbers make sense to you? never mind. okay, original investment, sunk, to you, i guess that's goodwill now, huh? you know you owe me, right?"
"sure, i owe you business. it was a good deal, no doubt about that. but why are you calling me exactly? what is this about?"
"you see the figure i sent you? is that correct? what this is about is, i'm not sure, is that all of it?"
"sure, sure, that's all of it. we can talk tomorrow morning, okay?"
"you used me. okay, it was a fair deal. but i need staff. i need human capital, besides myself here. inventory checks out, that's fine. i'm having problems with the figures."
"revenue up? what are you so worried about?"
"why's it like that. i can't remember some things. anyway i'll call you tomorrow."
"fine. call me tomorrow."
Thursday, June 25, 2015
here was i in a muddle. not more than 10 seconds ago the thought lost. by no means cursed with poor memory but still agitated by this loss, a loss that made me feel i was losing my mind and not just a fragment of mental tissue, i felt done under, under the way i should be on, under a cloud of discontent and misfortune.
the struggle to remember has waylaid me often, a simple game of hopscotch showed me the way, a way that has found me often in tenuous circumstances, the mainstream of life and its glories bypassing me in a stroke it would seem.
the course of time is like a tide struggling against the headwind of the past. when the new is lost, what time period would it seem?
perhaps the struggle only engenders thoughts about the difficulty in mind and is not particularly helpful. the way ahead is fortuitously guided, like it or not, by the warnings of past mistakes, perhaps better in some cases by the glories of the past won.
Friday, June 19, 2015
of nectar bold, of the fountain of immortality and youth, slakest thy thirst, drinkest now, give me life immortal, that's really how the line goes! derived from all this culture, we have the vampire legend of today, someone who cannot leave this earth. it is well known.
they put that a vampire sleeps abnormally. how does say, a guy or girl over 120 years old, who only looks 17, live on earth? how does he or she lie about his or her age? because it's not normal is it, should it come out?
and while vampire legend permeates the entertainment media, we have the question, what exactly qualifies as vampire, because the legend is differentiated by different accounts? do they even eat? or do they just drink? drinkest of the finest, eat of the tastiest, silence the impatience within and without.
relate that to the popular notion of ghost. some houses seem haunted, haunted by that which happened, that that defined life lived at them. are vampires ghostly? do vampires haunt the streets, more aware of history, more subtle in negotiating their way in life, more circumspect about life and its problems? the legend permits all kinds of culture about magical transformation. they, the vampires, present continuity of power and allow tradition to continue.
"when i was a boy, i never drank coffee, i never drank tea, now look at me, cup after cup, you know. what i thought was true forever when i was a little kid stopped when i was like fifteen."
"you became a total cynic! me, i stopped believing all that when i was thirteen, really, just a teenager to begin with. i wasn't a princess anymore, i didn't live in a castle, you know, i felt i had to grow up."
"that's what i'm saying. i'm only forty something but it's like i've had several lifetimes already, really like what it was at kid level, when i was young, that life and all its expectations totally died. it completely cut off at eighteen, a whole new life starting. i still recognize the child in me, i'm not saying it's gone completely."
"right. but it's different for me, i had hopeless really what could only be called fantasies about life. i didn't fully believe them even as a little girl. that's my problem."
"why's it like that? are you saying i'm more realistic? i'm not more realistic, i don't think. what i'm saying is, it seemed like the whole world changed, you know, the 1970s were different, the atmosphere changed to what it is now."
"yeah, but did it really change or have you changed? that's the question. or both which is probably the true answer."
"right, yeah, okay, but i don't think i've changed. maybe i was delusional as a kid and that's the change. like you say you've changed but i don't think you've really changed not all the time i've known you. you're still the same."
"but you didn't know me when i was seven or eight years old!"
"true, but how different could you be?"
"different. i drink coffee now. there are so many choices, coffee houses, coffee shops, cafés. when is tea going to be like that? it's like there are more coffee places than bars. when will there be, you know, tea houses, tea shops, tea bars maybe?"
"you know, after i've had so much coffee, it all tastes the same to me. i'm disturbed by a lot of things happening that i feel i'm unprepared for, that i couldn't see coming. it's like life is peaceful for a while and then boom!, it all happens. all at once. good things, bad things."
"it's crazy. you have no way of knowing when it will happen or how you will react."
it seems that when one number is divided by another the result up top could continue with no end in sight after the decimal point, especially when you divide a prime number by another prime number, say 17/19.
the immediate question is whether this result up top continues to infinity. can you keep writing? some of the numbers up top become an eventual repeat after a certain point surely? because if at some point in the calculation when you subtract after writing down the next number up top and performing that multiplication giving you the remainder the same as before at the bottom, surely then from then on the numbers up top are a series repeat while the first few numbers may not be?
divide an even number by an even number, say 8/16, is much easier. most prime numbers are odd.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
time and space may make the difference in meaning! in the here and now it causes a problem to have an opposition in the mind. to deconstruct what they may be about, their meanings, is to examine and amplify what the opposing meaning is about.
i am big, yeah!, compare to a six year old boy. understand that often things are relative to someone else, argument put forth on how to action forwards, debate on what to do, what is the best way, what is the most popular?
even a mistake in thinking is an opportunity to figure out what is going on in your own mind!
Monday, June 15, 2015
nursery school at the Rosebank at the age of three to four, the first day little remembered, then learning numbers, how eight was written, naps after lunch, play in the playground, waiting after the finish. the first day of school at Cavendish is clearer, name tags, the name of the teacher.
who gets along with who? who follows who? trouble in the second year, accusations, boys upset. rainy day, what to do at lunchtime? the long afternoons, struggling in English, waiting for schoolday to finish. the importance of the teacher's name and title, birthdays, writing about the weekend past.
knowing boys' names, speaking your mind, remembering who talks to who, all very uppermost in his mind. food was a big deal, what you had for recess, whether you drank milk and what kind, white or chocolate? how to get out of fluoride tablets? gossiping about other boys' parents, family, the teacher's daughter. did life ever really change?
what did you want to be? what could you do? follow interest on the school playground, make an effort in class, humour the teacher about what you did last weekend!
Friday, June 12, 2015
at top, at the summit of his formal academic life, he passed at eighteen from school to university. then his confidence collapsed! was he not interested? interest is what motivates at university.
in June 1990, 2 weeks to memorize the subject, up early the morning of the exam, slightly desperate but still confident. he was unprepared for the creative academic life. university demands creative thought in the end, a capacity to learn and the ability to create.
July 1990, after the last exams, the most free time at school ever. it was not compulsory to be there after A Levels, though he was not the only one who opted to be present. the last day, something he had always imagined, passed rather slowly. other boys' family, seen for the first time, a dread about the future at university.
A Levels, can you remember the terms, the vocabulary? GCSE, are you studying from the right materials? Special Papers, can you calculate, given the right info? is that the difference at university, you have to have your own ideas?
he found the pressure at university, social, financial, and academic, and his studying, shaped his ideas about career. well, the direction he got there remains, whilst that of school was vague. he liked to read, he liked to think more was possible in the world. he was admitted to read Mathematics & Economics. he read American novels from the college library. he neglected so much of the course materials, he avoided tutorials and lectures, it was no surprise he found the exams so hard. it did have one benefit though, for one paper on interest rates for tutorial, he wrote as he saw the subject, not what was taught at all, and passed.
the whole problem of academic life is that ideas run out at some time, the professional academic is supposed to be full of ideas and ways of putting things, the whole thing of dissertation, papers, books. the pressure is on to formulate a new way of thinking about the subject, not merely to rehash that from other sources, plagiarism the big no no of academia. what is the young academic to do? there are only so many ways of rewording passages or adding filler to reach the minimum limit of words required!
note that there are three components to academic, creation, memorization, and calculation. GCSE seemed to be about memory, A Levels about the last, and university about the first. they are not the same thing!
the collapse, in his mind, of not only interest, but also the feat of calculation in mathematics, affected him all the summer after the First Year, he had to resit in August. if only interest had been sustained!
of the young viscount, perhaps just 17 to 19 years old, now of the age to explore and experience the continental pleasures heard of and read about in youth, all exciting and foreign, exotic and heady, it is a case that, exposed to the harshness of travel and spun round by different phrases heard elsewhere, it might seem that it was unprepared and lacking in foresight. of misadventure, was it always a trap for gilded youth?
from his household, cavalier and ready, it sets off, sure in step, lusty and hungry for adventure. whom will she or he meet? will it change life forever? lady J. do make an appearance here, lord J. verily do meet all comers. in an instance of chance, go for the sure thing surely? and two days on, a sharp difference in atmosphere, hope that all is well back home.
one of the luxuries of being abroad is that warm bed, comfy and soft, in which you can collapse without thought for deadline and timetables. the food is new, it tastes richer than at home.
all the while whilst the young viscount is people watching, it becomes a case that it too is an exhibit in town, exotic meet and cheery talk. what of your home? what of your business?
the open way is the best way. the popular way is too. actually, the problem, on return, is readjusting to home life, all seems pallid and dry. the trip of a lifetime is over.
as to what history is, is it the facts of time, a chart of conquest and discovery, a dry list of events? like religion and myth and legend, popular history is often askew with details of personality, great and small, tales of adventure and high risk, power and presence, literated with drama and foretold of jealousy and envy, spite and revenge, ambition and duress.
what we have today of ancient history, of Egypt, Greece, China and England, the mythology of Roman and Norse hue, the panoply of great figures of legend, is not to be confused with facts of things that actually transpired. imagine a king of England, long ago, how did she or he conquer the realm? with its culture magically transported through the mist over the country? of battalions of haste and fortune, giving away all the wealth of the monarchy? of Greek myth with her heroes, Theseus, Perseus, Jason, Heracles or Hercules, Odysseus, all on adventure and discovery, aided sight unseen by powerful presence. of Amun Ra, father of Egypt, and of Thor, with the magical hammer, and of China, with its heroes fighting the odds.
onto premodern history then with its communities, early education and manufacturing, manuscripts and lettering, design and thinking about mechanics. and finally modern history, people actually meet different. and working systems, the sum becomes greater than the total of the parts, synergy, rhythm, and the new and the bold.
all the while, everyone wonders how everything really works. the imagination is wild, ambition is untamed. the false is discarded, therefore the past seems thin, what went down the wrong path is covered up and hidden. the decision is made whole in a new direction.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
good vibes, in tune, in resonance with, call it what you will, once established a line of contact, like a psychic wire, formed of like least bits of matter, makes a connexion and effects communication, allowing a stream of data particles to pass from one zone to another in real space.
it varies as one formation, maintaining near integrity throughout. how does it form? a line of attack may falter at a short distance if at the other end it is different, but similarity at both ends allows a line of contact to be built.
the network grid of lines of contact may change fast, connexions are lost, sometimes slow to be rebuilt. there is, if you like, a web of psychic wiring connecting reality, ever changing, dissolving and reforming, all the time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
"what's been going on is, i want to do it, but i don't know how? you know. nobody's telling me anything, like how to do this, how to do that. what i need is..."
"don't say it. we've heard this a thousand times. it's not going to get any better like this, is it?"
"what do you mean it's not going to get any better? come on!"
"how do i know? you're right on the way, man, but you need to hurry up. picture this, who you're thinking of, it's a pretty picture, right? how do you fit into that picture, you know what i'm saying? you, as yourself, how does that fit?"
"what are you saying? i should get in the picture?"
"right! it's all about you, not somebody else."
what makes us think? a million volt charger in our heads? we may have a generator ourselves, we may be reliant on what others have generated, or we may be carried by the field of "culture particles" in the cloud around us, invisible and inaudible, yet which promote thought. call it the cloud, or the Nebula, or the atmosphere, the mood, or the zeitgeist.
what is rude? what is temperamental? denial of our present ego? everyone wants the truth, however, the form it hits us might be unpalatable.
if we were to carefully deconstruct thought, what is related to image, what is related to sound, what is related to emotion, and so on, we might aspire to thinking greatness! the nasty, the good, the fine, the happy! for the conscious mind is a delirious, volatile person, fast to change, quick to build.
when we have exhausted the easy free thinking, it often helps to alter the frame, to introduce an entirely new component, to attach it to the present complex, and so by dismiss something old.
posit that a mere fact, like my name is such, is rather almost an abstract construct, facts about my life, passed through the conscious mind, do not define what i am very well, perhaps. to deconstruct my name, well, what if everyone has heard my name before? we have an opposition here, what if there are a million people who have heard my name? i am not other people!
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
it's been a long day. it's been long years. then about now it seems like the past has caught up with you. first it was the world, then it was the earth, then it was country, now it's whatever. transport gets easier.
how are you supposed to deal with it? so you've lived this long so far so OK? and it would be fine if only you could remember right? but how to get to the next step? like i'm driving, hand on the steer, get into the picture right? one move right, where does that go? i respond to that, what does that do?
picture the rails, the grit, think about tower, think about the little doll of a girl, in a red dress, hiding in her attic, never went to school, always dreaming of travel, what you have! think of the master at school, how do you pay him back?
all right, prepare for the next step, no two ways about it, you have to, but the fourth step, it's still coming, even if it barely seems real now.
in the station, the sign the way, but the geography, right or left and so on. lunch is always a question on this day of travel. you need to promote your choice, not enter into comparison, like the choice of transport it is always better to go for the sure thing!
Saturday, May 23, 2015
the flame of lust and love of material wealth, all this found in Ichythus, an archetype of ambition and later success. the history of Ichythus was thus, once poor and needy, mocked and laughed at by his peers. this instilled in Ichythus an ambition so powerful that it could only lead to his success. Athene and Afrodite Ouranos, both fascinated by material ambition, could only study at a distance, careful not to upset the balance in the arena.
Pereneides was Ichythus' neighbour, humble and poor, both free of ambition and vice, satisfied by a full stomach and a warm bed. he admired Ichythus, for Ichythus was always gracious in his presence, but Pereneides could never understand how Ichythus achieved, for in more ways than one his character was the total opposite. how it arrived is not important, but when Ichythus became rich, his success was his undoing. it answers the question of how, for had Ichythus not been so proud, he would never have achieved so much.
others found Ichythus' pride insufferable. Ichythus surrounded himself with luxury and comfort, no want unsatisfied. from whim to jaded exhaustion, he lived fully spending freely. he believed, and acted as thus, that he could do no wrong. only Pereneides aided him in his crisis, for in his desperate hour there was no else to whom he could turn.
but in Pereneides, simple admiration turned to envy, he could not refrain from asking the most impertinent questions of Ichythus, in a cloud of spite. the poisoning of their relationship concerned Athene. but in the end they, Ichythus and Pereneides, only had each other, shunned both by all others.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
"Comment? Tu penses, c'est bon c'est mal? La place de votre voix?"
"Comment bizarre! Mais, c'est petit de...croire de...voir? Vous savez?"
"Tu sais, mais croire de, vous n'avez pas dit. Votre famille?"
"Une petite famille, mais pas de mère, de l'étranger. Je crois qu'un singulier...de mère, je ne sais pas, je crois que je suis une..."
"Oui. La femme! Mais, je crois, il y a beaucoup de familles qui pensent comme ça. Ces jeunes, ils veulent ce qu'ils voient, quand ils se rencontrent ici, quoi prochain?"
the base assumption of macroeconomics is rather that people behave economically in more or less the same manner or that the majority in what they do sway the economy such that we may frame theory so as to be workable. so to arrive at a model that explains what happens when variables under guidance are manipulated is to identify general economic patterns and to construct a framework for the economist to understand the open economy.
interest rates, money, marketable assets, property, these concern everyone in the open economy. theory on interest rates seemed applicable, but globalization and opportunity have spread and thus complexity has arisen and, because there are so many more choices now, it is hard to determine how and why the individual reacts to any change in any variable. the economist is left to speculate how interest rate moves in say, the Base Rate or Prime Rate, affect other interest rates.
may that be that credit card interest rates are beyond such interest rate moves by the government and thus so indicate they be purely in the domain of private banks who face the consumer? only recently has the market changed. the government aims to control inflation, also to boost economic output. given that output figures depend on the sum of money spent, it is one solution to increase the rate at which money is spent, that is, to increase the velocity of money.
herein lies the difficulty. i think to say that with more money you spend more is a general truth. but with less money, do you necessarily spend less? not everyone has the same ideas about money is the total problem. everyone has a unique spending history.
also the total problem with inflation is that it is always about inadequate supply of what is most demanded.
to add complexity to the argument, pro economists might like to arrive at different models for different types of economic agents. how many types are there? the spendthrift, the frugal, the vain?
Saturday, May 9, 2015
what just happened? now several ideas but how to frame it? what are the key concepts?
with all that is available in science fiction, obviously anyone would wonder about interstellar travel and, given that travel is always visual, anyone could imagine how it would go, passage on a ship like that, cruising at light speed in hyperspace, seeing strange new light on the TV screens, displaying visuals of what the destination looks like preparing you for landing.
academic theory, working models involve variables, but in actuality these are drawn from, so to speak, snapshots of instances, carefully examined. but do they hold if the variables change too much?
when we think of gossip and rumour, inevitably we search for the chain, where it started from and how it passed to me? what is the network grid to be framed? of course, to hold this as set, to remember this as how news really travels, is to create a fallacy, for the flow of news changes.
academic theories that include equations try to cover the main variables that influence outcomes. when they fail, the temptation is to keep adding variables, but has the world changed?
rules and regulations about behaviour often seem restrictive, with too little guidance as to what to do exactly. prescriptive action is what is demanded, advice, but that is left to the individual to think about.
in my opinion, if other planets in the galaxy were different, had different light and different atmosphere, the hyperdrive engine would have to be able to change the light and atmosphere in the ship, to that of the destination. imagine it thus, the hatch unlocked, lowering the ramp, after being enclosed in the confines of the starship, would you really see a strange new exciting landscape on exit?
Thursday, April 30, 2015
"en anglais, on parle de taille, pour la jeune fille ce qu'on voit, la forme, c'est de jeune de taille pas non? exactement, tu sais? quoi de règle? vous avez beaucoup de choix, vraiment, mais on veut de, la forme de quoi, la forme pour petite, la petite jeune fille."
"mais exactement, comment exactement? je peux imaginer. votre taille, c'est fort, quoi de moi?"
"mais exactement, c'est de choisir. je veux de, le grand, de marchant, c'est moi, tu sais? mais tu as le plaisir de savoir de. mais, je veux de, puis-je avoir?"
Monday, April 27, 2015
in each and every situation therein lies a problem. what has gone before and what will actually happen. economic constraints, comparate to repetitive economic acts of the past, limit what is expected in the market. because the economy changes, and yet we are held to our memory of what we as economic agents do, we hold little or no expectations for the change in economic direction.
when the bond market was large, corporate bonds, junk bonds what have you, private bank lending to corporations and companies was less as it crowded out debt supply in the interest rate market. interest rates are hotly debated now, which way they will move and when, whether interest rates will stay low indefinitely until there is rampant inflation or what? opinion is split. there are those holding debt who would welcome it, the split is between those who have indifferent memories of inflation and those who suffered under it. applying huge econometric models of macroeconomic behaviour seems futile thus, when everyone has their own political and economic agenda. the 20th Century AD was punctured by economic start stop and frustrated demand only satisfied during periods of mini economic boom time.
people want to see things. that is the latent demand of the past rather realized only in recent times, globalization of the media, the world wide web, the cloud, the press, expectations and economic gains. what was only shown on screen in pictures, many have lived in 3D, sampled the lifestyle, enjoyed the scenery, drunk the red liquid, felt young and alive, all because they lived out what they could only imagine.
some would like consolidation and standardization in the world of finance, easy asset to asset transfer, transferability is crucial to business. being able to do it all online instantly, the financial dream of many. business in the past was always an event, the right professionals, the right product, the right way to do these things! now it's about accessibility and ease! the internet changed everyone's opinion.
however, what they say is true the past repeats and why, we have the same economic acts happening in long cycles, a construction boom here and there, everyone wants a house of their own, a social boom, which is long reported after, and always a quiet period where it seems little business happening but private capital is being accumulated. human capital was always essential, the knowhow and experience contained often in only one man or woman, wherein lies the entire problem of economics, how to account for the actions of only a few participants in the global economy.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
what did you really want to see? the much thought about but unknown. what you wanted to hear was what was really said in the thick of it. what to say in a situation like that?
what once held glamour fell to earth and became the merely prosaic. of course we are focused on the new. who remembers what was past?
how to address the elephant in the room, in the meeting chamber, so to speak? what do you hear about such and such?
on a crystal clear day, waves of light calm, the wind slight, all the ingredients to a shiny day of light.
Monday, April 6, 2015
here we assume again that a repeat in state of least bit of matter in space happens. this in itself is not a huge theoretical leap of faith, the world seems stable, the same colours, the same variety of things, etc.
it has been put that perhaps time is an infinite loop, that everything returns to what it was at time zero, called "eternal return". first of all, i doubt that anyone thinks this desirable, to imagine that we are all doomed to repeat every one of our mistakes, never to improve upon the past, this would be a horrible fate. second of all, could a repeat of the entire pattern of every least bit of matter in real space happen?
there are two theoretical concepts around the idea of infinity that we have to deal with. could there be, for some least bits of matter, an infinite number of states, like as are there, an infinite number of shades of blue or red? does each state of a least bit of matter last for a fixed interval, or period, each time? for example, if you like, theoretically, does Least Bit of Matter at Coordinates 0,0,0 always hold its State 14B for 0.005338 seconds, no matter what is going on beside it with its neighbours? put this way, it seems unlikely, does it not?
the question of this interval for which each least bit of matter has a certain state is rather crucial. surely its strength of affect over its neighbouring least bits of matter depends on this, the longer the interval, the greater the affect? and if we assume that the interval is variable surely a whole repeat pattern of every least bit of matter in space, over a greater interval in, if you like, Universal Time, is impossible for a period of, say, one hour?
Sunday, March 29, 2015
"so do you know there are four kinds of things, to think about? first of all, there's the gross kind, where you really think it's gonna be okay, but it's not, really not okay. but you wish that..."
"you're a nutjob, man!"
"second of all, there's the kind where it seems okay, and it is okay, some of the time, but you kind of want it to be less okay, as an experience to..."
"really weird, man!"
"you really think so?"
"i know so... but you really think a lot, you know?"
"je ne veux pas d'attaquer, mais toi, il est très merveilleux, ce que j'aime ce prendre déjeuner. tu as fini? jeudi, je suis allé à, ce qu'il a recommendé."
"tu aimes? je veux dire, j'aime aussi, c'est belle."
"c'est difficile pas non? partout, je vois les maisons historiques. c'est qui? habiter? mais non, ce prendre maintenant!"
Monday, March 16, 2015
how does it start, anyway? you know yourself. if you accept the concept of time zero, with nothing before then, who is to say that God or anyone, created you, given that you as one person existed from the beginning of time immemorial. you did not even create yourself. you just were. there is, and was, no explanation, and never will there be one, for why you, or greater reality exists.
i am. what else, or who else exists? are they the same? if not, how different? what am i? what parts constitute me, and what parts constitute any person, for that matter?
if i could find one other person, in a leap of induction, many more might exist, surely that is the case? the question then becomes, well, how many in the quantity of person?
now you have Earth 3D all around, social networks, computer networks, family networks, business networks, etc., all groups or sets composed of such persons. the question becomes, are they really connected overall? are there some, for practical purposes, isolated groups separate from the main mass of society?
even if everyone is connected does that mean however that there is little or no affect at a distance? electronic transmission fades, meetings don't happen, even if they did, their resulting influence on me is negligible, for i don't remember it even if it did happen.
maybe i am in a network of 4 million or even 4 billion, computer code streaming across my personal electronic field. this is only apparent now, certainly not at time zero, the first day, or even 100 years ago.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
the voices triggered it, who knows? i didn't know. so no one's telling me anything other than that i have changed. from what?
who's that? back in 1992, things were different, things were slow, like there was plenty of time, but who knows, i was only twenty. didn't know that, life would be this, hard to go back.
trying to make sense of one life, trying to deal with anyone that comes along, listening to this, listening to that, unfocused and in denial about the frighteners in life.
where am i in this question? i, you, it, what is it? said something that you like, isn't it? do i fit? sorry, what is it about? i think, what's new about that?
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
it has long been assumed that the government drives interest rates. for example, Base Rate is determined by government institution and this is still closely followed. is the government really in charge anymore, now in the early 21st Century AD?
up to recently, as and when the Base Rate was moved, private banks and the bond market would follow suit, within a day in an orderly manner, without the question of differing demand and supply for different financial products, be it money in the bank, yield assets, or revolving credit, or whatever the product was, becoming an issue.
the natural mechanism was like thus, the Prime Rate or Base Rate was adjusted, if you like, higher, so that the government trying to exert control over inflation, by reducing demand generally and in particular for money, decreased lending to private banks. private banks then increased their savings rates to compensate for this and bring in borrowing from private individuals. private individuals would then favour bank savings over bonds and thus bond yields would go up as well. has the government now lost control over general interest rates in the economy?
many people may have multiple borrowing products, be they property mortgages, revolving credit like credit cards, etc. any cursory research on the web shows that these interest rates vary widely. demand and supply for credit is often the main determinant of the particular interest rate. concern over debt repayment is another.
what determines demand for any borrowing product? the easiest to obtain may make it the most expensive. mortgages might be hard to get, while anyone in formal employment could get a credit card. it is as if there are invisible barriers to obtaining credit or loan sometimes.
how, for example, does demand for credit card debt drive government interest rates though? what is big demand in the economy anyway? high technology, tourism, social related services? the government may market bonds still and lend to private banks, but does it still play any role in the free market for those economic demands? older people are thought of as more cautious and why, they can't gain formal employment anymore yet still need an income source and bonds are often targeted to them. does traditional interest rate theory play any part for younger people? the credit card substitutes cash money. because credit card debt becomes expensive, people eventually prefer to save money, lowering private bank savings rates. as private banks can raise money from private individuals without recourse to borrowing from central government, the Base Rate must be lowered to compete with private bank interest rates.
ultimately though, from observing the consumer market, when a new product enters the market, and there is huge demand for it, this drives demand for money and thus raises interest rates, like the household machines the washing machine, the refrigerator, the computer, etc.