Friday, August 28, 2015
how sleep first happened, let's examine that, so a lot to think about the first day, many questions, so we can conclude drowsiness led from mental exhaustion, originally. people who think a lot, who really push, fall asleep in a snap moment.
now a lot of people are into physical exercise, they find that works too, a slow slide to sleep.
traditionally, dinner was most important, from dusk into the early hours of the night, and it was huge compared to breakfast and lunch. after dinner, rather faint, stagger to bed, finding a position, and to sleep.
these ways kill the wide awake state.
what is being asleep? in my experience, cloudy vague thoughts, lucidity gone, and a reset in sensation or feeling.
Friday, August 21, 2015
and the world was
in that year
the people pondered thus
where was the world
to bridge all worlds
to divide all that was common
to share in the fruit of the harvest
that could be given without expense
the boys and the girls
a dancing party of men and women
here to say but nothing else
and at night
a shimmering image of person
a fork in the way
where to turn next
and the days passed
relaxing in the garden outside
a shining beacon of hope
turn away turn away
where to the future we move
crisscrossing real space is a network of these lines, these pipelines are lines of attack, composed of least bits of matter joined together changing their neighbours to transfer a difference in state through the pipeline. when the other side somewhere else is passive, a flurry of change near the start end lifts the pipeline, so to speak, forcing a delivery of change at the other end.
damage to the pipeline means it is blocked. when unblocked one end has reset.
the social network depends on the integrity of these pipelines. activity in zones in space can disrupt the pipelines.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
"it was so fascinating..."
"he is! well dodgy, inni, what a cunt! wonderful person!"
"well it's not that bad."
"isn't it? i know you think that. but i'm not sure."
"look. it's going well. there's no problem yet. it hasn't surfaced."
"so why's it like that? i think it will be all right...you know?"
"there must be something in it...why do i have to wait?"
"there's more to...maybe we should go."
"do i reek? i've been over there forever. really, i just want to get it all over with."
"come on Jessica. let's go."
"okay, i guess. we'll go. i can't wait around."
"oh hi...i'm Jessica. these are my acolytes."
"where are you going?"
"i don't know yet. it's getting really uncomfortable around here. do you have any ideas?"
"what about the library?"
"the library. sure, why not? Julie, my husband tells me I should loosen up. what do you think? i agree."
"oh i got married when i was five. let's go to the library!"
Sunday, August 9, 2015
"Das Mädchen. Hier."
"Wir haben ein grosse Menü. Das Hotel ist das grösste. Shopping. Clothes. Bar."
"Danke. Wir haben das set Menü bitte."
"Das Mädchen? Fräulein? Was haben Sie?"
"Die Rechnung? Was kostet das?"
"Ein moment. Hier."
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
the line of futile questioning goes something like this, why do i exist, of course, there is no explanation for why you or reality exists, you simply must accept that it does, that you exist, that other people exist, there is no why. for when does it make sense to ask why? the usual answer to why, actually, is that something came before, that before C and D came A and B. to think of all that exists in real space may boggle the mind, for you only knew so much at the beginning of time, barely yourself, actually.
in my case, as it began at time zero, a mist covered landscape, stones, trees, blue sky, dim light, walking forwards, in a dress, thinking, the sound of my name, this is my story. to deal with the personal in science seems almost a contradiction in terms, the bias in 20th Century AD science is that all is impersonal and that the same applies everywhere, only quantum mechanics seems to accept that the personal matters. in considering real space, composed of chains of least bits of matter, it would be simplistic to quickly divide up the total map of reality into personal zones, everyone in their own personal bubble space, space could look like a chained mass of soap bubbles, each soap bubble representing a person.
now very much hangs on the question, what is a person? now, i could see a lot at the beginning, i thought thoughts in my head, and what i saw was connected to my head. of course, i cannot see to infinity, at some point my vision ends. assume particle traffic between points in my own personal bubble space is high, internal communication is high. so what limits could there be between two people? the range of personal light? the range of personal think matter?
why are there many people? well, why are there many least bits of matter?
i admit i cannot remember thinking about other people at the beginning, at time zero. i held only myself in mind. that the population seemed ever higher with time was true, beyond what most people could think about. that other people are different in some ways seems true, if only in that they could not be the same as you yourself.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
"i'm made up of lots of parts. i am the sum total of my parts, right? are any of my parts alone? not really! so of course i can't really believe in this total aloneness. can i see what other people see? all i know is me and what comes from elsewhere."
"tell me about what you think of yourself. why do you think of yourself as a dependent person."
"maybe i know myself very well maybe i don't, sure, i surprise myself sometimes but i'm not as shocking as other people! the question is whether you think of all of this reality as a whole. i think of it as connected parts. so you see i read other people's work, stuff i couldn't possibly come up with on my own, so i know other people are real, in as far as i define a unique person. i depend on other people. of course, still, i have to manage my life."
"do you prefer your own company? what are your thoughts?"
"i don't know. other people are something i can't fully comprehend."
"your focus determines a lot. you can only think about so much at a time. where none of this concerns you could be happening right now and you might never know. where you become independent is when you realize you're on your own out there."
"i find solipsism very frightening. yet i know it can't be true."
"you're your own man. you look for company. but you should realize that sometimes all that matters is what's going on with you yourself."
Sunday, July 26, 2015
by this i mean really in the middle economically, it's both interesting from a behavioral economic view and from a social perspective, economists are interested in how they behave as agents in the economy, to judge what is happening right now and what will probably happen in the future.
by "level" read completely average, so employed, young probably or middle aged, a real consumer to be monitored. but how could an economically unactive or inactive person be considered middle class anyway? we assume that the middle class is the largest group today by income and wealth comparison.
what is the upper class? the richest, most powerful? economically this is true but social distinctions confuse the issue. there is a legacy that remains in the collective memory. that society economically observed is mobile or fluid is the case.
spending drives the economy. watch the young household, with children, they need all kinds of consumer goods and services, leisure and entertainment. the young tend to spend freely. older people, with retirement looming and no further income guaranteed, may be more cautious and become economically less important.
the level middle class make the pace. socially, of course, they are not necessarily a cohesive group, in that they mix only with each other, that's probably not the case. the 27 year old male, level middle class, working, average income, shops a lot, goes on holidays, has friends and family, may not stay in the same class all his life though.
level middle class demand is what determines a large proportion of supply in the economy.
as it is now, geographical navigation in abstract is according to map, two points enjoined in a linear fashion, one geographical unit has its neighbours, all contiguous and connected, and over long geographical distances, travel is tortuous with so many places in between that make disinterest.
imagine hyperdrive then, instead of travelling from one geographical unit to one beside, all the way, could you, in your hyperdrive fitted starship, in one short period of time leap to one geographical unit far away?
how would it appear? window shutters activated and down, so nothing to see outside, hyperdrive kicks in, the starship disappears from where it was, the leap complete, hyperdrive deactivated, the starship is somewhere else!
what is hyperdrive in this context? that visual based on geography and plan or map is a virtual construct, plugged into a world system, you see based on that. if only you could hack the visual system for everyone on board, change the system to allow hyperdrive leaps, why not?
scientifically how could it work? the engine is about light. if you saw on the shutters a 3D image of outside where the starship destination will be, relayed by telecommunications, if the hyperdrive circuitry contained images of the destination and that was displayed on screens inside all during the journey, maybe? someone in the ship from the destination, surely? and when the shutters open the passengers see outside at the destination point!
perhaps drawing up a map of planets and star systems in 2D would never be that satisfying and makes hyperdrive leap theory difficult. change one conventional assumption, that the map is stable! what if star systems and planets changed their relative positions all the time?
hyperdrive leap in an instant is, in effect, teleportation. if everyone could teleport, it would make hyperdrive all the more likely.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
"here i am. here to call out something. and you're here. what am i?"
"you're the one i see in front of me. what happens now?"
"well, i'm happy. spread the happy!"
"i guess i'll say something about me. what have i done? what can you do?"
"well, okay then. i guess i could, maybe that too."
"right. it's done then. i'll turn away right now."
"don't turn away from me! are you really leaving me now?"
"see you later!"
Sunday, July 19, 2015
"i like to watch the business parts, the day goes by fast, generally, in some cases, we go in completely unprepared. in slow time, i have to think about my part, especially. why should anyone have to wonder about their role, even it seems unorganized in the process of putting it all together?"
"what about the name?"
"it reminds me of a recurring sound in the background, sounds like hoema, but HoHoHemano sounds more jolly, more masculine, i don't know."
"it sounds Christmasy, not a bad thing, mind you. i'm imagining a jolly, formal Christmas."
"maybe. i don't think Santa minds!"
"tell me about this sound, a little more, please."
"well, it actually sounds a little medical, don't you think? like haemotosis or something. i've heard it loud, i don't know where it comes from, you know?"
"okay, great. i suppose business attaches itself to a name, why not? three Hs, that's new, i'm visualizing shiny and brand new!"
"right, the one thing, when you front someone, maybe it's a girl, maybe it's not, you really have got to be crystal clear about the idea of what you're about to say, okay? don't gush all over her. it's gonna sound blunt afterwards, even maybe during, but that's what i do."
"what does that mean?"
"it's not good staying off either end, you know what i mean, you have to put yourself at the front end. it's frightening at first, maybe every time actually, but that's the way it is. seem you have affection. any reaction is better than no reaction in my opinion."
"what if they say..."
"well, that's difficult. don't make them angry. if they don't agree with what you're saying, you're in trouble, i gotta admit, that's why it's like that."
"ha ha ha."
"what do you have in common? what do all people with a body have in common? you really have to think about things like this, i mean, come on."
"so i might say i just had a haircut, what's my story? you know, just go with it."
"so at the end, when it comes...you're not going to be prepared for it, the twist, that is."
"great, give me another."
"i mean it, when it hits you, you'll be wondering what happened!"
"really, go on."
"you see...it's about making a difference at the ending. if you end on the same note, the same scene, for example...what's different? everything that happened before, right? i mean, it could look exactly the same except for one part. that's just an example."
"you mean like something out of place? i don't think just repeating the first scene...with something different...maybe you're right."
"what i mean is, there has to be a something shockingly different that happens, that completely upsets the view of the audience at the end, from what they were led to believe, like what happened at the beginning."
"right, so, killing off the perception of the audience it had about the first half and starting something new."
"right, that's it, and it even leaves it wide open for a sequel. that's great, isn't it?"
Saturday, July 18, 2015
in the train, back to home, what crosses her mind? that home is best? that public transport is an effort in itself? that that inspires fantasy about travel is rather lost in the moment, the hurly burly of getting to the station, waiting on platform, thinking of something to do in the train, else stare out the window, why did she come here in the first place?
what called her there was out of her control mostly, this is what happens to type. that there is much attention is off putting, one of life's hurdles, to be dealt with seriously at the time.
that the prospectus was enticing, according to appearance. it was much mentioned, in the same breath as the other place, is the full answer. was it a social paradise? social types parading through the grounds and in the streets, living it up, R. and R. in town.
i've imagined it well, really well, actually! somewhere east of Tonbridge, in the Kent Downs, far downhill from Orpington, a fantastic house, overlooking the Downs, the serviceable rooms at the front, black and white checkerboard tiles, a magnificent staircase leading up to one continuous bedroom, a bed forty foot wide, pillars, and seemingly infinite at the rear! one day, perhaps, on a wild drive in the country, she will come upon it, down a winding tree littered rough road, exactly as i've imagined it!
take Col de Rett, a young man of London, for example, here we have a person, a noble young lad, full of good intentions, into business, into life, interested in everything and everyone, what has he to offer?
of life, quite a lot. judged by everyone older, he seems likely to succeed, personable, friendly, what an example to us all! marked by experience, wiser by the hour when it gets hard, maybe pushed on by his own ambition, when will he graduate to the next level up? does he get good service? of course! on and off, he wonders what will happen, will later life be as smooth as it is now?
apple of his father's eye? does he measure up? how much does he want?
of course, he's a vain man, and why not? always looking to be validated by his peers, always talking up the situation. it's one thing to think it, another to hear it from someone else!
Monday, July 13, 2015
"man, what am i looking at? do these numbers make sense to you? never mind. okay, original investment, sunk, to you, i guess that's goodwill now, huh? you know you owe me, right?"
"sure, i owe you business. it was a good deal, no doubt about that. but why are you calling me exactly? what is this about?"
"you see the figure i sent you? is that correct? what this is about is, i'm not sure, is that all of it?"
"sure, sure, that's all of it. we can talk tomorrow morning, okay?"
"you used me. okay, it was a fair deal. but i need staff. i need human capital, besides myself here. inventory checks out, that's fine. i'm having problems with the figures."
"revenue up? what are you so worried about?"
"why's it like that. i can't remember some things. anyway i'll call you tomorrow."
"fine. call me tomorrow."
Thursday, June 25, 2015
here was i in a muddle. not more than 10 seconds ago the thought lost. by no means cursed with poor memory but still agitated by this loss, a loss that made me feel i was losing my mind and not just a fragment of mental tissue, i felt done under, under the way i should be on, under a cloud of discontent and misfortune.
the struggle to remember has waylaid me often, a simple game of hopscotch showed me the way, a way that has found me often in tenuous circumstances, the mainstream of life and its glories bypassing me in a stroke it would seem.
the course of time is like a tide struggling against the headwind of the past. when the new is lost, what time period would it seem?
perhaps the struggle only engenders thoughts about the difficulty in mind and is not particularly helpful. the way ahead is fortuitously guided, like it or not, by the warnings of past mistakes, perhaps better in some cases by the glories of the past won.
Friday, June 19, 2015
of nectar bold, of the fountain of immortality and youth, slakest thy thirst, drinkest now, give me life immortal, that's really how the line goes! derived from all this culture, we have the vampire legend of today, someone who cannot leave this earth. it is well known.
they put that a vampire sleeps abnormally. how does say, a guy or girl over 120 years old, who only looks 17, live on earth? how does he or she lie about his or her age? because it's not normal is it, should it come out?
and while vampire legend permeates the entertainment media, we have the question, what exactly qualifies as vampire, because the legend is differentiated by different accounts? do they even eat? or do they just drink? drinkest of the finest, eat of the tastiest, silence the impatience within and without.
relate that to the popular notion of ghost. some houses seem haunted, haunted by that which happened, that that defined life lived at them. are vampires ghostly? do vampires haunt the streets, more aware of history, more subtle in negotiating their way in life, more circumspect about life and its problems? the legend permits all kinds of culture about magical transformation. they, the vampires, present continuity of power and allow tradition to continue.
"when i was a boy, i never drank coffee, i never drank tea, now look at me, cup after cup, you know. what i thought was true forever when i was a little kid stopped when i was like fifteen."
"you became a total cynic! me, i stopped believing all that when i was thirteen, really, just a teenager to begin with. i wasn't a princess anymore, i didn't live in a castle, you know, i felt i had to grow up."
"that's what i'm saying. i'm only forty something but it's like i've had several lifetimes already, really like what it was at kid level, when i was young, that life and all its expectations totally died. it completely cut off at eighteen, a whole new life starting. i still recognize the child in me, i'm not saying it's gone completely."
"right. but it's different for me, i had hopeless really what could only be called fantasies about life. i didn't fully believe them even as a little girl. that's my problem."
"why's it like that? are you saying i'm more realistic? i'm not more realistic, i don't think. what i'm saying is, it seemed like the whole world changed, you know, the 1970s were different, the atmosphere changed to what it is now."
"yeah, but did it really change or have you changed? that's the question. or both which is probably the true answer."
"right, yeah, okay, but i don't think i've changed. maybe i was delusional as a kid and that's the change. like you say you've changed but i don't think you've really changed not all the time i've known you. you're still the same."
"but you didn't know me when i was seven or eight years old!"
"true, but how different could you be?"
"different. i drink coffee now. there are so many choices, coffee houses, coffee shops, cafés. when is tea going to be like that? it's like there are more coffee places than bars. when will there be, you know, tea houses, tea shops, tea bars maybe?"
"you know, after i've had so much coffee, it all tastes the same to me. i'm disturbed by a lot of things happening that i feel i'm unprepared for, that i couldn't see coming. it's like life is peaceful for a while and then boom!, it all happens. all at once. good things, bad things."
"it's crazy. you have no way of knowing when it will happen or how you will react."
it seems that when one number is divided by another the result up top could continue with no end in sight after the decimal point, especially when you divide a prime number by another prime number, say 17/19.
the immediate question is whether this result up top continues to infinity. can you keep writing? some of the numbers up top become an eventual repeat after a certain point surely? because if at some point in the calculation when you subtract after writing down the next number up top and performing that multiplication giving you the remainder the same as before at the bottom, surely then from then on the numbers up top are a series repeat while the first few numbers may not be?
divide an even number by an even number, say 8/16, is much easier. most prime numbers are odd.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
time and space may make the difference in meaning! in the here and now it causes a problem to have an opposition in the mind. to deconstruct what they may be about, their meanings, is to examine and amplify what the opposing meaning is about.
i am big, yeah!, compare to a six year old boy. understand that often things are relative to someone else, argument put forth on how to action forwards, debate on what to do, what is the best way, what is the most popular?
even a mistake in thinking is an opportunity to figure out what is going on in your own mind!
Monday, June 15, 2015
nursery school at the Rosebank at the age of three to four, the first day little remembered, then learning numbers, how eight was written, naps after lunch, play in the playground, waiting after the finish. the first day of school at Cavendish is clearer, name tags, the name of the teacher.
who gets along with who? who follows who? trouble in the second year, accusations, boys upset. rainy day, what to do at lunchtime? the long afternoons, struggling in English, waiting for schoolday to finish. the importance of the teacher's name and title, birthdays, writing about the weekend past.
knowing boys' names, speaking your mind, remembering who talks to who, all very uppermost in his mind. food was a big deal, what you had for recess, whether you drank milk and what kind, white or chocolate? how to get out of fluoride tablets? gossiping about other boys' parents, family, the teacher's daughter. did life ever really change?
what did you want to be? what could you do? follow interest on the school playground, make an effort in class, humour the teacher about what you did last weekend!
Friday, June 12, 2015
at top, at the summit of his formal academic life, he passed at eighteen from school to university. then his confidence collapsed! was he not interested? interest is what motivates at university.
in June 1990, 2 weeks to memorize the subject, up early the morning of the exam, slightly desperate but still confident. he was unprepared for the creative academic life. university demands creative thought in the end, a capacity to learn and the ability to create.
July 1990, after the last exams, the most free time at school ever. it was not compulsory to be there after A Levels, though he was not the only one who opted to be present. the last day, something he had always imagined, passed rather slowly. other boys' family, seen for the first time, a dread about the future at university.
A Levels, can you remember the terms, the vocabulary? GCSE, are you studying from the right materials? Special Papers, can you calculate, given the right info? is that the difference at university, you have to have your own ideas?
he found the pressure at university, social, financial, and academic, and his studying, shaped his ideas about career. well, the direction he got there remains, whilst that of school was vague. he liked to read, he liked to think more was possible in the world. he was admitted to read Mathematics & Economics. he read American novels from the college library. he neglected so much of the course materials, he avoided tutorials and lectures, it was no surprise he found the exams so hard. it did have one benefit though, for one paper on interest rates for tutorial, he wrote as he saw the subject, not what was taught at all, and passed.
the whole problem of academic life is that ideas run out at some time, the professional academic is supposed to be full of ideas and ways of putting things, the whole thing of dissertation, papers, books. the pressure is on to formulate a new way of thinking about the subject, not merely to rehash that from other sources, plagiarism the big no no of academia. what is the young academic to do? there are only so many ways of rewording passages or adding filler to reach the minimum limit of words required!
note that there are three components to academic, creation, memorization, and calculation. GCSE seemed to be about memory, A Levels about the last, and university about the first. they are not the same thing!
the collapse, in his mind, of not only interest, but also the feat of calculation in mathematics, affected him all the summer after the First Year, he had to resit in August. if only interest had been sustained!
of the young viscount, perhaps just 17 to 19 years old, now of the age to explore and experience the continental pleasures heard of and read about in youth, all exciting and foreign, exotic and heady, it is a case that, exposed to the harshness of travel and spun round by different phrases heard elsewhere, it might seem that it was unprepared and lacking in foresight. of misadventure, was it always a trap for gilded youth?
from his household, cavalier and ready, it sets off, sure in step, lusty and hungry for adventure. whom will she or he meet? will it change life forever? lady J. do make an appearance here, lord J. verily do meet all comers. in an instance of chance, go for the sure thing surely? and two days on, a sharp difference in atmosphere, hope that all is well back home.
one of the luxuries of being abroad is that warm bed, comfy and soft, in which you can collapse without thought for deadline and timetables. the food is new, it tastes richer than at home.
all the while whilst the young viscount is people watching, it becomes a case that it too is an exhibit in town, exotic meet and cheery talk. what of your home? what of your business?
the open way is the best way. the popular way is too. actually, the problem, on return, is readjusting to home life, all seems pallid and dry. the trip of a lifetime is over.
as to what history is, is it the facts of time, a chart of conquest and discovery, a dry list of events? like religion and myth and legend, popular history is often askew with details of personality, great and small, tales of adventure and high risk, power and presence, literated with drama and foretold of jealousy and envy, spite and revenge, ambition and duress.
what we have today of ancient history, of Egypt, Greece, China and England, the mythology of Roman and Norse hue, the panoply of great figures of legend, is not to be confused with facts of things that actually transpired. imagine a king of England, long ago, how did she or he conquer the realm? with its culture magically transported through the mist over the country? of battalions of haste and fortune, giving away all the wealth of the monarchy? of Greek myth with her heroes, Theseus, Perseus, Jason, Heracles or Hercules, Odysseus, all on adventure and discovery, aided sight unseen by powerful presence. of Amun Ra, father of Egypt, and of Thor, with the magical hammer, and of China, with its heroes fighting the odds.
onto premodern history then with its communities, early education and manufacturing, manuscripts and lettering, design and thinking about mechanics. and finally modern history, people actually meet different. and working systems, the sum becomes greater than the total of the parts, synergy, rhythm, and the new and the bold.
all the while, everyone wonders how everything really works. the imagination is wild, ambition is untamed. the false is discarded, therefore the past seems thin, what went down the wrong path is covered up and hidden. the decision is made whole in a new direction.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
good vibes, in tune, in resonance with, call it what you will, once established a line of contact, like a psychic wire, formed of like least bits of matter, makes a connexion and effects communication, allowing a stream of data particles to pass from one zone to another in real space.
it varies as one formation, maintaining near integrity throughout. how does it form? a line of attack may falter at a short distance if at the other end it is different, but similarity at both ends allows a line of contact to be built.
the network grid of lines of contact may change fast, connexions are lost, sometimes slow to be rebuilt. there is, if you like, a web of psychic wiring connecting reality, ever changing, dissolving and reforming, all the time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
"what's been going on is, i want to do it, but i don't know how? you know. nobody's telling me anything, like how to do this, how to do that. what i need is..."
"don't say it. we've heard this a thousand times. it's not going to get any better like this, is it?"
"what do you mean it's not going to get any better? come on!"
"how do i know? you're right on the way, man, but you need to hurry up. picture this, who you're thinking of, it's a pretty picture, right? how do you fit into that picture, you know what i'm saying? you, as yourself, how does that fit?"
"what are you saying? i should get in the picture?"
"right! it's all about you, not somebody else."
what makes us think? a million volt charger in our heads? we may have a generator ourselves, we may be reliant on what others have generated, or we may be carried by the field of "culture particles" in the cloud around us, invisible and inaudible, yet which promote thought. call it the cloud, or the Nebula, or the atmosphere, the mood, or the zeitgeist.
what is rude? what is temperamental? denial of our present ego? everyone wants the truth, however, the form it hits us might be unpalatable.
if we were to carefully deconstruct thought, what is related to image, what is related to sound, what is related to emotion, and so on, we might aspire to thinking greatness! the nasty, the good, the fine, the happy! for the conscious mind is a delirious, volatile person, fast to change, quick to build.
when we have exhausted the easy free thinking, it often helps to alter the frame, to introduce an entirely new component, to attach it to the present complex, and so by dismiss something old.
posit that a mere fact, like my name is such, is rather almost an abstract construct, facts about my life, passed through the conscious mind, do not define what i am very well, perhaps. to deconstruct my name, well, what if everyone has heard my name before? we have an opposition here, what if there are a million people who have heard my name? i am not other people!
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
it's been a long day. it's been long years. then about now it seems like the past has caught up with you. first it was the world, then it was the earth, then it was country, now it's whatever. transport gets easier.
how are you supposed to deal with it? so you've lived this long so far so OK? and it would be fine if only you could remember right? but how to get to the next step? like i'm driving, hand on the steer, get into the picture right? one move right, where does that go? i respond to that, what does that do?
picture the rails, the grit, think about tower, think about the little doll of a girl, in a red dress, hiding in her attic, never went to school, always dreaming of travel, what you have! think of the master at school, how do you pay him back?
all right, prepare for the next step, no two ways about it, you have to, but the fourth step, it's still coming, even if it barely seems real now.
in the station, the sign the way, but the geography, right or left and so on. lunch is always a question on this day of travel. you need to promote your choice, not enter into comparison, like the choice of transport it is always better to go for the sure thing!
Saturday, May 23, 2015
the flame of lust and love of material wealth, all this found in Ichythus, an archetype of ambition and later success. the history of Ichythus was thus, once poor and needy, mocked and laughed at by his peers. this instilled in Ichythus an ambition so powerful that it could only lead to his success. Athene and Afrodite Ouranos, both fascinated by material ambition, could only study at a distance, careful not to upset the balance in the arena.
Pereneides was Ichythus' neighbour, humble and poor, both free of ambition and vice, satisfied by a full stomach and a warm bed. he admired Ichythus, for Ichythus was always gracious in his presence, but Pereneides could never understand how Ichythus achieved, for in more ways than one his character was the total opposite. how it arrived is not important, but when Ichythus became rich, his success was his undoing. it answers the question of how, for had Ichythus not been so proud, he would never have achieved so much.
others found Ichythus' pride insufferable. Ichythus surrounded himself with luxury and comfort, no want unsatisfied. from whim to jaded exhaustion, he lived fully spending freely. he believed, and acted as thus, that he could do no wrong. only Pereneides aided him in his crisis, for in his desperate hour there was no else to whom he could turn.
but in Pereneides, simple admiration turned to envy, he could not refrain from asking the most impertinent questions of Ichythus, in a cloud of spite. the poisoning of their relationship concerned Athene. but in the end they, Ichythus and Pereneides, only had each other, shunned both by all others.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
"Comment? Tu penses, c'est bon c'est mal? La place de votre voix?"
"Comment bizarre! Mais, c'est petit de...croire de...voir? Vous savez?"
"Tu sais, mais croire de, vous n'avez pas dit. Votre famille?"
"Une petite famille, mais pas de mère, de l'étranger. Je crois qu'un singulier...de mère, je ne sais pas, je crois que je suis une..."
"Oui. La femme! Mais, je crois, il y a beaucoup de familles qui pensent comme ça. Ces jeunes, ils veulent ce qu'ils voient, quand ils se rencontrent ici, quoi prochain?"
the base assumption of macroeconomics is rather that people behave economically in more or less the same manner or that the majority in what they do sway the economy such that we may frame theory so at to be workable. so to arrive at a model that explains what happens when variables under guidance are manipulated is to identify general economic patterns and to construct a framework for the economist to understand the open economy.
interest rates, money, marketable assets, property, these concern everyone in the open economy. theory on interest rates seemed applicable, but globalization and opportunity have spread and thus complexity has arisen and, because there are so many more choices now, it is hard to determine how and why the individual reacts to any change in any variable. the economist is left to speculate how interest rate moves in say, the Base Rate or Prime Rate, affect other interest rates.
may that be that credit card interest rates are beyond such interest rate moves by the government and thus so indicate they be purely in the domain of private banks who face the consumer? only recently has the market changed. the government aims to control inflation, also to boost economic output. given that output figures depend on the sum of money spent, it is one solution to increase the rate at which money is spent, that is, to increase the velocity of money.
herein lies the difficulty. i think to say that with more money you spend more is a general truth. but with less money, do you necessarily spend less? not everyone has the same ideas about money is the total problem. everyone has a unique spending history.
also the total problem with inflation is that it is always about inadequate supply of what is most demanded.
to add complexity to the argument, pro economists might like to arrive at different models for different types of economic agents. how many types are there? the spendthrift, the frugal, the vain?
Saturday, May 9, 2015
what just happened? now several ideas but how to frame it? what are the key concepts?
with all that is available in science fiction, obviously anyone would wonder about interstellar travel and, given that travel is always visual, anyone could imagine how it would go, passage on a ship like that, cruising at light speed in hyperspace, seeing strange new light on the TV screens, displaying visuals of what the destination looks like preparing you for landing.
academic theory, working models involve variables, but in actuality these are drawn from, so to speak, snapshots of instances, carefully examined. but do they hold if the variables change too much?
when we think of gossip and rumour, inevitably we search for the chain, where it started from and how it passed to me? what is the network grid to be framed? of course, to hold this as set, to remember this as how news really travels, is to create a fallacy, for the flow of news changes.
academic theories that include equations try to cover the main variables that influence outcomes. when they fail, the temptation is to keep adding variables, but has the world changed?
rules and regulations about behaviour often seem restrictive, with too little guidance as to what to do exactly. prescriptive action is what is demanded, advice, but that is left to the individual to think about.
in my opinion, if other planets in the galaxy were different, had different light and different atmosphere, the hyperdrive engine would have to be able to change the light and atmosphere in the ship, to that of the destination. imagine it thus, the hatch unlocked, lowering the ramp, after being enclosed in the confines of the starship, would you really see a strange new exciting landscape on exit?
Thursday, April 30, 2015
"en anglais, on parle de taille, pour la jeune fille ce qu'on voit, la forme, c'est de jeune de taille pas non? exactement, tu sais? quoi de règle? vous avez beaucoup de choix, vraiment, mais on veut de, la forme de quoi, la forme pour petite, la petite jeune fille."
"mais exactement, comment exactement? je peux imaginer. votre taille, c'est fort, quoi de moi?"
"mais exactement, c'est de choisir. je veux de, le grand, de marchant, c'est moi, tu sais? mais tu as le plaisir de savoir de. mais, je veux de, puis-je avoir?"
Monday, April 27, 2015
in each and every situation therein lies a problem. what has gone before and what will actually happen. economic constraints, comparate to repetitive economic acts of the past, limit what is expected in the market. because the economy changes, and yet we are held to our memory of what we as economic agents do, we hold little or no expectations for the change in economic direction.
when the bond market was large, corporate bonds, junk bonds what have you, private bank lending to corporations and companies was less as it crowded out debt supply in the interest rate market. interest rates are hotly debated now, which way they will move and when, whether interest rates will stay low indefinitely until there is rampant inflation or what? opinion is split. there are those holding debt who would welcome it, the split is between those who have indifferent memories of inflation and those who suffered under it. applying huge econometric models of macroeconomic behaviour seems futile thus, when everyone has their own political and economic agenda. the 20th Century AD was punctured by economic start stop and frustrated demand only satisfied during periods of mini economic boom time.
people want to see things. that is the latent demand of the past rather realized only in recent times, globalization of the media, the world wide web, the cloud, the press, expectations and economic gains. what was only shown on screen in pictures, many have lived in 3D, sampled the lifestyle, enjoyed the scenery, drunk the red liquid, felt young and alive, all because they lived out what they could only imagine.
some would like consolidation and standardization in the world of finance, easy asset to asset transfer, transferability is crucial to business. being able to do it all online instantly, the financial dream of many. business in the past was always an event, the right professionals, the right product, the right way to do these things! now it's about accessibility and ease! the internet changed everyone's opinion.
however, what they say is true the past repeats and why, we have the same economic acts happening in long cycles, a construction boom here and there, everyone wants a house of their own, a social boom, which is long reported after, and always a quiet period where it seems little business happening but private capital is being accumulated. human capital was always essential, the knowhow and experience contained often in only one man or woman, wherein lies the entire problem of economics, how to account for the actions of only a few participants in the global economy.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
what did you really want to see? the much thought about but unknown. what you wanted to hear was what was really said in the thick of it. what to say in a situation like that?
what once held glamour fell to earth and became the merely prosaic. of course we are focused on the new. who remembers what was past?
how to address the elephant in the room, in the meeting chamber, so to speak? what do you hear about such and such?
on a crystal clear day, waves of light calm, the wind slight, all the ingredients to a shiny day of light.
Monday, April 6, 2015
here we assume again that a repeat in state of least bit of matter in space happens. this in itself is not a huge theoretical leap of faith, the world seems stable, the same colours, the same variety of things, etc.
it has been put that perhaps time is an infinite loop, that everything returns to what it was at time zero, called "eternal return". first of all, i doubt that anyone thinks this desirable, to imagine that we are all doomed to repeat every one of our mistakes, never to improve upon the past, this would be a horrible fate. second of all, could a repeat of the entire pattern of every least bit of matter in real space happen?
there are two theoretical concepts around the idea of infinity that we have to deal with. could there be, for some least bits of matter, an infinite number of states, like as are there, an infinite number of shades of blue or red? does each state of a least bit of matter last for a fixed interval, or period, each time? for example, if you like, theoretically, does Least Bit of Matter at Coordinates 0,0,0 always hold its State 14B for 0.005338 seconds, no matter what is going on beside it with its neighbours? put this way, it seems unlikely, does it not?
the question of this interval for which each least bit of matter has a certain state is rather crucial. surely its strength of affect over its neighbouring least bits of matter depends on this, the longer the interval, the greater the affect? and if we assume that the interval is variable surely a whole repeat pattern of every least bit of matter in space, over a greater interval in, if you like, Universal Time, is impossible for a period of, say, one hour?
Sunday, March 29, 2015
"so do you know there are four kinds of things, to think about? first of all, there's the gross kind, where you really think it's gonna be okay, but it's not, really not okay. but you wish that..."
"you're a nutjob, man!"
"second of all, there's the kind where it seems okay, and it is okay, some of the time, but you kind of want it to be less okay, as an experience to..."
"really weird, man!"
"you really think so?"
"i know so... but you really think a lot, you know?"
"je ne veux pas d'attaquer, mais toi, il est très merveilleux, ce que j'aime ce prendre déjeuner. tu as fini? jeudi, je suis allé à, ce qu'il a recommendé."
"tu aimes? je veux dire, j'aime aussi, c'est belle."
"c'est difficile pas non? partout, je vois les maisons historiques. c'est qui? habiter? mais non, ce prendre maintenant!"
Monday, March 16, 2015
how does it start, anyway? you know yourself. if you accept the concept of time zero, with nothing before then, who is to say that God or anyone, created you, given that you as one person existed from the beginning of time immemorial. you did not even create yourself. you just were. there is, and was, no explanation, and never will there be one, for why you, or greater reality exists.
i am. what else, or who else exists? are they the same? if not, how different? what am i? what parts constitute me, and what parts constitute any person, for that matter?
if i could find one other person, in a leap of induction, many more might exist, surely that is the case? the question then becomes, well, how many in the quantity of person?
now you have Earth 3D all around, social networks, computer networks, family networks, business networks, etc., all groups or sets composed of such persons. the question becomes, are they really connected overall? are there some, for practical purposes, isolated groups separate from the main mass of society?
even if everyone is connected does that mean however that there is little or no affect at a distance? electronic transmission fades, meetings don't happen, even if they did, their resulting influence on me is negligible, for i don't remember it even if it did happen.
maybe i am in a network of 4 million or even 4 billion, computer code streaming across my personal electronic field. this is only apparent now, certainly not at time zero, the first day, or even 100 years ago.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
the voices triggered it, who knows? i didn't know. so no one's telling me anything other than that i have changed. from what?
who's that? back in 1992, things were different, things were slow, like there was plenty of time, but who knows, i was only twenty. didn't know that, life would be this, hard to go back.
trying to make sense of one life, trying to deal with anyone that comes along, listening to this, listening to that, unfocused and in denial about the frighteners in life.
where am i in this question? i, you, it, what is it? said something that you like, isn't it? do i fit? sorry, what is it about? i think, what's new about that?
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
it has long been assumed that the government drives interest rates. for example, Base Rate is determined by government institution and this is still closely followed. is the government really in charge anymore, now in the early 21st Century AD?
up to recently, as and when the Base Rate was moved, private banks and the bond market would follow suit, within a day in an orderly manner, without the question of differing demand and supply for different financial products, be it money in the bank, yield assets, or revolving credit, or whatever the product was, becoming an issue.
the natural mechanism was like thus, the Prime Rate or Base Rate was adjusted, if you like, higher, so that the government trying to exert control over inflation, by reducing demand generally and in particular for money, decreased lending to private banks. private banks then increased their savings rates to compensate for this and bring in borrowing from private individuals. private individuals would then favour bank savings over bonds and thus bond yields would go up as well. has the government now lost control over general interest rates in the economy?
many people may have multiple borrowing products, be they property mortgages, revolving credit like credit cards, etc. any cursory research on the web shows that these interest rates vary widely. demand and supply for credit is often the main determinant of the particular interest rate. concern over debt repayment is another.
what determines demand for any borrowing product? the easiest to obtain may make it the most expensive. mortgages might be hard to get, while anyone in formal employment could get a credit card. it is as if there are invisible barriers to obtaining credit or loan sometimes.
how, for example, does demand for credit card debt drive government interest rates though? what is big demand in the economy anyway? high technology, tourism, social related services? the government may market bonds still and lend to private banks, but does it still play any role in the free market for those economic demands? older people are thought of as more cautious and why, they can't gain formal employment anymore yet still need an income source and bonds are often targeted to them. does traditional interest rate theory play any part for younger people? the credit card substitutes cash money. because credit card debt becomes expensive, people eventually prefer to save money, lowering private bank savings rates. as private banks can raise money from private individuals without recourse to borrowing from central government, the Base Rate must be lowered to compete with private bank interest rates.
ultimately though, from observing the consumer market, when a new product enters the market, and there is huge demand for it, this drives demand for money and thus raises interest rates, like the household machines the washing machine, the refrigerator, the computer, etc.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
but i am that, but a lingering shadow in the mind
and it was good, it was nice, great knowing you, and all
were it not for me, you lost, less direction
perhaps it was much for me, and perhaps it was mere fancy for you
doubt clouded the act, each to their own
we were in the nebula, caught in the social whirl
Sunday, March 1, 2015
if we plot X, like west to east, and Y, like south to north, zero in the lower left corner, and plot the coordinates of X = 1 then Y = 2, and X = 2 then Y = 5, and then X = 3 then Y = 10, we discover a line could be drawn roughly linking these coordinates that resembles an increasingly northerly sloping graph.
obviously, the area if we consider that, depends on the line and its distance to the X axis, so one could say that, the rate of change of area depends on the line drawn. logically, to continue, the rate of change of the line depends on the gradient at any point on the line, which is, a line drawn as parallel to the graph as possible.
if we examine the graph at X = 1 and Y = 2 the gradient looks steep but is obviously going to become much more steep as X goes on. Y/X = 2 and this seems like the gradient depending on how the line is drawn. notice that, ignoring in the equation, 1, that if we multiply the power by X we could write dY/dX = 2X, and that, if X is still 1, that dY/dX = 2. is that the gradient of the line?
if we, so to speak, if you like, reverse engineer that, to examine, how to obtain the area under the graph and, call it integration, we discover that the equation could be like X + 1/3 X power 3. think about it thus, reduce the power, multiply by the power, ignore that without an X after it. and thus in reverse, call it integration. if we let X = 1 then the integral would be 1 + 1/3 which equals about 4/3 which seems about right too.
can anyone prove that there are 3 dimensions to space? even the Universe contains a virtual reality game concept. and i've imagined how that works. imagine turning right, the empty grid of the visuals in front of you shifting left and so on.
Monday, February 23, 2015
at age seventeen, as one would expect, the grand tour an adventure, misadventure, promises little but trouble. but due process might deliver only such an outcome.
why seventeen, and not sixteen? legal consent is nebula, a clouded affair, can you smoke, drink, not sleep, behave in an adult manner, sex engage?
choice of initial voyage, passage and activity once there, may be difficult, control over details minor and great, present a problem.
it is right to engage oneself with the need to obtain sustenance, and to return. agreement in stages and turns at every possible juncture is a requirement for civil progress.
redress might be inevitable, the penalty of preconceived union and damages unforeseen could be gross, it may be extended in nature, delaying any end to perchance.
as observing a dream would aid recall, observe the magical process. i would hardly call everything sudden about change magical, or anything appearing out of nowhere, but this is not the basis of judgment for what is magic. remember vaguely what it looks like and admit what words come to mind.
put a word on that! the word binds the magical process to the word, as a spell can alter the situation to be seen.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
their fate archetypal, of one couple well matched to begin with, of course everyone so thought. but as their fates entwined so spoke a seer tragedy would befall, so certain was she. what other people merely pass through their minds, but remain speechless for nought.
but penury and illness passed through the land, the sky was bleak, and their need urgent. what some only reveal through their heart, they spake thus and so fell abandoned.
regret turns to passion, selfish in aim, heartless in desire.
Amronoeia was the fair maiden of many tongues, so enguiling in her form and manner that men flocked towards her through her portal, each chancing for fortune's sake to be thus. but she chose Menemeides, a vain feckless suitor, favoured by Athene above all, whilst Afrodite Ouranos merely observed with concern. whilst Pan mused, with caution, Zeus spake nothing of courage and fell silent. the other goddesses chuckled with glee, harbouring resentment, so jealous of she that they did without even the purest ambrosia, for weeks on end.
on the spur of first light, Menemeides passed in bliss, to return to the essence of his soul, whilst Amronoeia could only mourn the passing of youth and her beauty so fragile, wedded forever in the memory of only Demeter.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
weighing any decision in considering opposing outcomes, not just only for the worst, but for indeed the most truly positive of outcomes that could arise in the future, you must consider first what might happen within weeks, if not for ever after, and what could happen within the hour.
to approach is a frightening prospect, but also, to ignore is unacceptable. you see the eternal dilemma? that chance meeting happens is inevitable too. it must be said that things like saying hi and how are you, are universally acceptable so why not?
what do you expect? of yourself, as i have said before previously a few years ago in the post, In Play, you must explain yourself to yourself, without directing the play towards the other person. a player talking is a person seemingly without social motive. if the other person thinks about you not so much but rather your motives, perhaps that is inevitable. are you prepared to go all the way, or not? this is the most crucial question, i think in all social play.
to engage with one, is surely a social death about another person, without question. if i am with you, how can i be with it, the other person? hence jealousy turns to envy in all cases. but who said being a player wasn't dangerous? it only takes seconds for the audience to react badly.
all the way? why not? because i have other business? because i have problems? how did it happen? that i am here and you are here?
to invest in socializing is one thing, but it may distract from one's social ambitions elsewhere. i may seem distant, but at least i'm always thinking!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
first the visual bias, hence the 3D mechanical motion theoretical model, that what we see guides our way is true for all, but the blind.
it seems there are only 3 dimensions of space. but how is it that we can see and hear things at more or less the same spatial location around our head? is it because there are in fact more dimensions than 3? or is it that real space is so densely packed with light least bits of matter and sound least bits of matter in a variegated fashion?
or are there layers like a sandwich? a layer of sound least bits of matter behind a layer of light least bits of matter, for example? alternating layers perhaps?
if theoretically it is easy to call that, well maybe there are 4 dimensions of space, we however find it so hard to imagine that perhaps it's not true?
i am not a solipsist, the very thought turning to belief disturbs me greatly. but who does anyone really know apart from their neighbours stuck to them in real space? they say one little thing here can affect the whole world but is that even true? are there people out there who know nothing of me and for which i have no affect? personal bubble spaces may be connected in the sense that from least bit of matter to neighbouring least bit of matter there is a long chain but does one personal bubble space at one end of real space affect much the personal bubble space at the other end? it seems unlikely that people at the central zone of real space are solipsistic.
it was a shock, for i never expected that from anyone. while even recent memory becomes stained, what you said is imprinted on my mind. there was talk, i remember that, however the one thing you said to me is what i remember most.
you were at ease then, happy to develop and discuss ideas and stories. the concept of action is always fuzzy to begin with, the way it looks is what concerns most. of course how it sounds is critical too. we don't live in a world of silence. planning for the future when so far away always seemed a haphazard process, but of course, many things are inevitable.
why is it we can only remember clearly perhaps only one statement from any conversation? is it because it was shocking? or made us happy?
patience is a virtue. timing is important. but what is remembered is that what you said came to pass, in full fruition.
Monday, January 26, 2015
what can one remember of the talk it had? memory is much like a prancing, squirming beast, difficult to tame and not readily servile. only offering so much, was it hard for you, or easy? i know well part of what you meant, but now only a strip of information remains.
how much do you mean of it? was that what you wanted me to know?
well, said and meant, only one the thing i wanted said. after all, how much could i really say at the time? you'll work it out.
for now, i am backed into a corner by decisions i made long ago as a young man, and so indeed so much for destiny. fate distracted me. what sense i can make of it?
Friday, January 16, 2015
correctly flipping and predicting coin throw at rest is very difficult. the odds are against but it happens. what does that mean? psychic for a few seconds?
first throw predicted correct is easy but to 10 throws? that's hard. but has happened with me several times. the odds are like a thousand against.
the odds of predicting 2 throws is like 1 out of four. not bad, but probably not good enough for realizing what the immediate future will be.
let's think about odds in theory. 1:3 what does that mean? 1 right versus 3 wrong? or 1 out of three? in gambling terms 1/3 that's a payout of one third of the bet or stake. like a payout of 3/1 pays three times your stake but a winning bet also returns your original bet size. so five pounds on a horse or dog payout would be a win of 15 pounds plus five the original. three pounds at 1/3 is a win of a quid. not too bad really, but that's like backing a favourite. it doesn't impress anybody, a shame really!
what are the odds on that? that it will succeed? betting, yes please!? the surprising thing about gambling given that you could win, is that the sequence of a winning streak actually is calm throughout.
but what is the point of gambling? is it to prove that you are psychic or to win a huge sum you could spend? i think originally it was to gain knowledge of all things mathematical and to be able to predict!
of course, spending a win always feels good!
Friday, December 26, 2014
it's easily done. you're led to believe, certainly by the age of twenty or thereabouts, on earth, that first of all, you're a mortal, you're going to die and perhaps that's the end, that the universe and earth are billions of years old, that you're surrounded by billions of people, and perhaps the most pernicious, that everything moves, you move, objects move, other people move.
but what if that's all wrong? that the truth is the complete opposite of what you believe? it's as if someone wanted you so crazy, perhaps Descartes' demon, so that what you believed was actually the furthest away from the truth so that you would find the truth almost impossible to accept when it was put to you.
first of all, death in the original sense is probably not real. time goes on and on and you, your mind, with it.
secondly, what if Earth history were mostly false and the correct date October 20, 443? Year 444 will be a leap year and January 1, 444 will be March 9, AD 2015. consider that much of Earth history is about people that were never real. what if lots of other people you know are not real? that earth is mostly populated by robots, to use the ancient word, or philosophical zombies, which i guess is the academic term, or NPC's or non-player characters, a term from computer gaming, and that the real people are hard to find? not to say that you never meet another real person on Earth, of course. that perhaps the real population of this reality is much less than the billions purported?
and finally, about motion. it's even hard to express what the truth is, as the falsity is so ingrained in the mind. there are several ways to put it. "physical motion is not real". that's the first statement that came to me. "perceived motion is not real". "motion is only virtual". "the concept of motion, that things move in space, is not real, and only virtual, in the sense that you may see an image and think things move but they don't in actuality". of course, you, wherever you are in real space, are there forever and i am here, where i am, forever. when you walk forwards, your body is not really moving in space, you merely see what is in front of you coming towards you. put mathematically, you are not moving relatively with respect to the room, what is actually happening is that the room is moving relatively with respect to you.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
in language, words may have a fuzzy meaning, several words may mean more or less the same thing, such as in the case of pride, confidence and arrogance. generally, recently, pride is rather neutral, it could be good or bad, confidence is thought of as good, and arrogance as bad.
having thought about it today, let me offer my opinion on what each word may really mean, in essence, and how the three words could be differentiated.
pride is something like, "i am very good and i deserve all the good things in life".
confidence is something like, "everything's going to work out great for me".
and finally arrogance is like, "i am right", to the extent that other people seem wrong, or at least less right than myself!
so as you can tell, defined as such, the three are not quite the same thing. but what am i? now i've been accused of all three in the past, but really, i protest! pride is not something i've felt a lot of. am i very good? how can i be when i'm this paranoid thinking about evil things happening? do i deserve anything? what does deserve really mean anyway?! confidence, no! i'm thinking about things going wrong all the time! so i'm left with, if i am guilty of any of the three, arrogance. i am not wrong! perhaps i am right!
Saturday, November 29, 2014
now talking about actions, that you do or the other person does or that you do together, is rather self-explanatory, and is, if you like, the bread and butter of a lot of conversation. in a way, it expresses the reality of time itself, an unending series of actions. but, if you will, time never "grows", past configurations of states of matter may be lost, and quite truthfully, a lot of this action is not easily remembered. do you remember exactly what you were doing, in whatever form you were, 200 years ago? probably not.
where it becomes more personal perhaps is when you express your feelings or thoughts about what you are doing, and so it becomes more revealing. learning about the other person you are talking to and revealing things about yourself, your own person, is probably the primary purpose of talking. think about it this way, from first principles, i am me, of course, but you, at the start, are an unknown quantity. we trade information about each other, our likes, our wants, our values, our outlook on life. and perhaps, if close enough in real space, even our emotions. i digress, there is a scene in the film, Closer (2004), where the female character exclaims in reply to a male character proclaiming his love for her, "where is this love ... i can't feel it". well, this could be interpreted literally, like they are actually so far apart in real space that they cannot feel each other's emotions, and that's what i first thought. can people really separated by a huge distance in real space have a real relationship? and don't other people, quite literally, "get in the way", given that there may be dozens of personal bubbles in space between them linking the two together? to return to the point, "getting to know someone" is how it starts and really is a never-ending thing. people change from day to day, though you may consider the bulk of personality to be fixed.
of course, on earth, there are, if you like, "facts" about people, though in themselves they are not truly revealing about the real person, things like their name, their job, where they live and so on. assume there are millions of people on earth with the same name, millions of people living in the same city, etc.
to truly reveal yourself is to talk about your emotions, of the eight, want, happy, love, shock, fear, anger, hate and sorrow, perhaps we mostly talk about the first two, what we like doing, what makes us happy. the fear is, of course, and no one really talks about this, is that if it goes wrong, you can make someone feel your hate of them across real space. i guess this is the real reason why people are shy, are nervous about meeting other people, there is a palpable fear of emotional incompatibility. who wants to feel something like 500 million volts of another person's hate flowing into their body? on the other hand, you may truly feel another's love for you inside.
and also, rather a lot of talk about person is about what they think, their opinions, which ultimately express their values, what they think is good, or not. as our thoughts are variable, so even our opinions may change.
there is a theory that if two people end up meeting in the same place on earth, they must have quite a lot in common to start with. obviously, they were both for earth, at the same place on earth at the same time, there must be something to talk about, even though, in actuality, they may be something like light years apart in real space. also, for those who hear voices, if they are not hearing their own thoughts, they are hearing those close in real space probably. assuming real closeness in space means similarity of personality, again there is a lot to talk about.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
it is easy not to think too much about talking all the while and yet still talk quite passably, even effectively, but at some point an understanding deep down of the purpose of conversation is useful.
as strangers to each other at first, what do we know? i am where i am, you are where you are in space. there is a fixed, unchanging distance between us, and perhaps, if we are still strangers to this day, many other people between us. who knows how many real degrees of separation are between us, how many personal bubble spaces down the line you are? as an aside, are we all linked like a chain or are there masses of personal bubble spaces stuck together in parts of space or both? now this world, this earth, is, if you like, a virtual platform where strangers can meet, even if all that is possible in actuality is a kind of speaking hologram in front of us representing another person.
PART is an acronym. P is for person. there is always a curiosity about the other person, what are they, what are they like? your job first of all is to satisfy the other person's curiosity about you. you have to reveal things about your person. what do you like? what do you value? personal details, etc.
once you get to know someone a little, when you're with them a lot, talking often moves on to A for action. what's happening? what have you done? what are you going to do? indeed what are we going to do together?
R is for relief. Ian Fleming wrote a James Bond short story, Quantum of Solace. it's about a failed marriage where they did not provide each other with a measure or "quantum of solace", that is, a certain kindness perhaps, or relief as i call it here. all the time that there is a relationship, you have to express, if you like, that you do indeed like the other person, that you wish them well, show some consideration, otherwise it's a non-starter. put it another way, simply, that you have to make them feel better, give that quantum of solace to the other person which Fleming wrote about.
finally, T for truth. everyone has questions about everything. if you can tell people truths they didn't know, all the better.
of course, this is all very simple sounding, but essentially, talk does not escape the boundaries of these things, does it?
Saturday, October 25, 2014
what happens when we die? it's a common question. but a better question may be what happens when we are born? at least here we may have some idea, some memory, and also it may offer some answer as to what happens when we die.
now i am here and you are there, forever fixed in space. there is no changing that. the material or substance or matter that we are exists in all time, immovable. but what we think and what we see and hear changes constantly. it constructs our "lives" on earth, our sensory experience. it is important, i feel, to note that these things are volatile. they can change in an instant. it is a fallacy to assume everything developed gradually over a long time because of the very nature of our senses.
now to consider what happens at death, and there is much about this out there, there are three general possibilities that we all know of, and have been much discussed. you could come to some kind of "end", that is, black out forever, though this is conceptually difficult being that what you are is a conscious being with a large sensory field. or you could reincarnate and live again on earth in a different life. or you could "move on" to another life not on earth that is different from what came before. but the fourth possibility, and i have not seen this discussed elsewhere, is that you revert to what you were before life on earth, before being born in this world. it's a kind of mean reversion, so to speak. so what happened when you were born on earth?
just because we may not clearly remember anything before life on earth does not mean we were somehow created in an instant at our earth birth and we did not exist beforehand. lack of memory does not equate to non-existence beforehand! this is a fallacy.
now my first memories of earth are dream memories. life on earth began as a dream that i woke up on earth in. first memories of being with my mother, then with my father and then fully awake with my father and sister on a plane about to fly to Honolulu from Taipei in August, 1975. my passport was stamped in Hawaii on August 29. i was three years old. now there were about a dozen dreams in sequence. i must have been asleep for about four days. however, the dream sequence matches my life history about a year up to when i awoke in the dream. a year squeezed into four days!
now there are various themes and conclusions here. one, life on earth is "living in the dream", because that is how you enter earth and what it still is. two, in a dream you can't remember facts about your waking life. therefore, because earth is the dream world and you're "still in the dream", you can't remember what life was before earth.
but what i am, has that radically changed because i was born on earth? i don't think so. i understood language at the time i was "born" on earth. there was stuff i didn't need to learn and already knew. so i learned all this before i was born on earth? most probably.
this raises the interesting question of how we are selected for our lives on earth. i don't think it's random. all those who spoke Russian before their lives on earth born in Russia? all English speakers fated to live in an English speaking country? all probably yes.
now how do i remember this birth dream sequence so clearly? now it is an observation that we tend to remember things that are shockingly new. and the earth birth dream sequence must have been so.
think of the dream world as the passageway between worlds. we go many places in our dreams. so what is death but yet another vivid dream that will call the end to our life on earth?
Saturday, October 4, 2014
and in the beginning there was that that was original, and really, these are probably the most common things in the world that we take for granted, the trees, the sky, and the human, etc.
and soon enough for all the original people who existed from time zero, once it had been noticed that time passed, there came the question of immortality, whether anything would perish in the future. now there is the argument that anything that truly exists in real space cannot cease to exist, that something will always fill its space, but the question is whether through time, something will change so much never to return to its original state that it could be considered as having "died". thus the question, "Am I original?"
the point about things being "original" is that these things were not "created", they always were, always existed. but creation soon followed, and some things began on day one. on day one, people did things, people discovered things, and what that means is that people therefore "created" things. now it's obvious to us in the present day that people can share things, that reality is interconnected in real space, signals are passed through real space all the time. data flows back and forth. we have scientific models of electromagnetic radiation and electric current, whatever the explanation, that communication is possible is generally accepted.
what that meant in the early days of time is that if someone did something or saw something, that meant that someone else somewhere else in real space might be able to do or see the same thing. this is what real "creation" boils down to. if one person was originally human, someone else might be able to be human too.
there is the present science/religion dichotomy but i would suggest that both represent extreme opinions about reality such that they can only contradict each other. science does not contain much room for god and much religion perhaps rather exaggerates the power of god or gods.
a part of the problem with the word "god" is that it has always been an emotional word. it naturally implies great power. it is innate in the impact of the word itself. when people first heard and thought about the word "god", it implied things like omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence, to borrow from religion.
whether we would consider people as gods or not, given the natural implications of this word, nevertheless, everyone has "created" something since time zero or indeed been the original source of something. the first human is the "god" of human, the first person to see a house is the "god" of houses, the first person to see and eat an apple is the "god" of apples, and so on. even if we do not accept the existence of gods, nevertheless there is always someone who is the original person who did something or saw something or is something.
my concept is that everyone has some degree of power and everyone was a first about something. does this mean that some people have huge powers compared to others that would qualify them as "gods" in the traditional sense? and power over what? it needs to be realized a person in real space is a large concern. how much power can anyone have over other people elsewhere in real space?
and what of modern science and technology? a lot of science seems to assume that somehow science and its laws always rather existed and that people only discovered or accepted them. posit that great scientists were actually gods that created science! great inventors were gods of technology!
let us now examine how god or gods are represented in religion. clearly there are two camps, monotheism and polytheism, either one god only or many gods. the bias in my argument thus far is obviously towards polytheism, the idea of many gods, in fact, that everyone is a god of something, perhaps even. everyone has been the first to do something, see something or be something even. i would not reject all religious stories as false, some must contain an element of truth, but that they are often distorted, embellished and partly made up. what i am saying is that some of the gods in religion, be it Greek or Indian or Norse or whatever are based on real people, but they are certainly not the same as that depicted in the myths and legends.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
as someone who was forcibly committed or sectioned to mental hospital not just once, but twice, in my twenties, the inescapable conclusion is this: acting not normal is actually really illegal! it is the unspoken law of society on Earth - you will act normal, or you will be imprisoned!
as i see it, you can be as crazy as you wanna be, but for your own sake, act normal around other people! that means no talking to yourself, even if that is almost impossible when you hear voices. the stereotype of the schizophrenic wandering around whispering to himself, oblivious of everyone else around him, is a true one. what needs to be realized is the intense nature of what is going on in this situation. the voices and the people they represent seem more real than the surrounding people you can see and touch. an ironic possibility is that of the somewhat simulated reality, where the people around you, for the most part, are truly not real people, only simulated people and the people you talk to with voices are, yes, completely real, yet you cannot see them! also, another big thing for acting normal is appearance and hygiene, you simply have to maintain this or people will pick up on it. i rather wish i had been taught how to act normal at school, it would have been far more useful than such esoteric studies as some history and religion. it's stuff a grownup really needs to know! many Christians believe the world is about 7,000 years old, indeed the old Russian calendar before Peter the Great adopted the Julian Calendar, was based on this assumption. my own bias is to think the world is much younger, shockingly so, only over 400 years old, but i digress.
i often suspect that there are far more schizophrenic people than accounted for by official statistics. they say 1% but what if everyone is to some degree? and what if most people just can successfully hide it? by acting normal, of course! Earth is somewhat at least, i believe, hallucinatory in basis. now i'm older, i find it hard to believe that everyone i see in the streets is real, and i've seen odd things, people disappearing, and appearing, out of nowhere. they say many people hear voices but are never diagnosed mentally ill. and it doesn't seem possible that "science", or whatever it is, works perfectly all the time. i think everyone has had some experience where they've wondered to themselves, what just happened? maybe they saw something odd that doesn't make sense. when i was very schizophrenic, i had too many strange experiences to ever fully believe again in the received "normal" world and its teachings of what's what.
and meanwhile, people who have been completely normal up till now, who have never questioned existence on Earth, perhaps they believe things that are false, have been easily led by modern science and its teachings, and are actually truly crazy about reality and metaphysics. one thing i have gone on and on about is that physical motion is not real! you do not really move! nothing really moves! it just seems like it! read my previous posts.
but how much can someone function if they are fundamentally crazy about metaphysics and reality? will they not one day hit the wall, so to speak, because they are insane about how reality and the world really work? the reason i am interested in metaphysics is because of my schizophrenia. if it hadn't happened when i was 20 years old, i might still be a dozy, normal person, just accepting the world as it seems. but when you are shaken up mentally, it leads you to question everything.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
it may seem too simplistic to term all that exists in reality, "matter", for the world is complex, and surely not everything is made up of the same thing and it certainly doesn't seem so. and the word "matter" is unavoidably linked to the world that we see, we think of objects as being made up of "matter", even though the visible world is somewhat illusionary in the sense that it does not reflect the fundamental structure of reality. but the word "matter" seems substantial, it implies existence, so i use it in the sense of something that actually exists in this space of this reality.
what would an outside observer make of this reality? that there is an intrinsic intelligence underlying everything perhaps, that things are ordered logically. there is a "mental component" to much of reality. otherwise, physical laws would not hold, there would be no order in the world, the world would not "make sense".
the first few days of time, what you might call "creation", may have been somewhat haphazard, but there was some clever thought as to how things should be, so happenstance first, and reasoning somewhat later to explain how it fitted in with everything else. first there was rain, then there was running water. and the egg came first, it appeared before the chicken. and someone drew an animal, then it appeared, and so on. throw out the concept of logical evolution and imagine a young world with some of what we would now think of as modern 20th century Earth things already present, a world of anachronisms seemingly. houses existed yet no one had built them by hand, the original world had trees, yet no one had planted them and they had not grown to size, they always existed, and so on.
but the visible world is at the "top", if you like, what are "under" it are "concepts" from which what we see are derived. some may be eternal like the tree, and some may not be original, were created after the start of time. i put it that logically, that which we are most used to, find unshocking and most normal, are things that are eternal, that existed from time zero. anything later has more novelty.
at the micro level, considering "least bits of matter", how do they interact with each other? i have examined "seeing the world", put it that our eyesight, our field of vision, is like a 3D television set wrapped around our heads, that we actually, in reality, never shift position and are fixed in real space. an object "moving" is merely a picture being translated across the pixels of light in front of our heads. that works because neighbouring least bits of matter copy the state, or the colour, of the pixel next door, that's how objects seem to move.
there is a "strength" to visible light, it makes copies of itself. this is one example of how neighbouring matter reacts to that next door and the most apparent, but surely neighbours have an effect on change in other ways, not just forcing copying. if we think about a local group of least bits of matter, what decides the change in state of each least bit of matter? posit that each state a least bit of matter assumes has a potential to affect its neighbouring least bits of matter, has a certain "strength of affect". but its neighbours are changing too and their states have competing "strengths of affect". the answer is that the strongest decides.
what is impressive about reality is that it is built on simple "logic rules" or natural laws to create a complex visual "world" in which we can experience "life". what is at the "top", what we see and hear, depends on the order created from "below". and the logic contained is quite strong.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
in gambling, you are always going to suffer losses sometimes. and actually, if you gamble long enough, you will have a huge losing streak at some point. this is inevitable.
i don't think i fully understood this before i began. they don't advertise this. they don't say, according to mathematical probability, a run of up to ten losses in a row is not even that uncommon after playing long enough. i suppose i was born optimistic, thinking i could win, and i can see now how this could be dangerous, always assuming everything's going to work out.
how you react to a losing streak determines quite a bit, actually. twice, i couldn't stop. i just bet larger and larger chasing my losses. this is not what you should do! you should accept the small loss, stop and walk away.
a win may not make much of a difference but a huge loss, all the money you have and even more if you've borrowed, could ruin your life.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
and the head stone knew for certain then that physical motion was not real. movement was virtual, therefore material objects, the planet, the stars, the universe, all were not quite what they seemed. it thought to itself, i'm a lump of thinking matter that can see pretty lights and hear music and voices, that's all, and keep that in mind, for i'm in the land of illusion now.
how did it get here? dreams had become waking life. the mother in its dreams at the beginning had become its mother in the land of illusion. it realized that this was a world when the boundaries between dream and waking life were blurred. sometimes it thought, i don't feel real, none of this is real. and sometimes people in dreams seemed more real than people in waking life. the land of dreams lay between the old world of its past life and the land of illusion that was Earth.
and when will i leave this land of illusion, the head stone wondered. it concluded that like in the beginning of this life, it would start with an intense dream of somewhere else, for the land of dreams lies between all worlds.
when the thinker is active, the mind at its most conscious, it is easy to forget what you were thinking only a short time ago. when thoughts race through the mind hopping from one subject to the next, we find short term memory limited. it is not uncommon to forget thoughts from only ten seconds ago. on the other hand, we have clear memories of some things that happened years, even decades ago. we remember the mood and atmosphere of the time, what we were thinking, what we were doing then.
for time is not a linear, one dimensional journey where the future must be different from the past, rather, much of time is made up of cycles, things that repeat. we wake up, do what we do in our waking lives, go to sleep, dream and wake up again. we have habits. but are these memorable things? what do we remember?
when we think about the past few years, it is rather the things that were new at the time that we remember clearly, that stand out. it is the new flavour at the time, so to speak, that we remember, be it a mood, certain thoughts, or what we did. whatever it was, it left a unique trace in the memory. so therefore our memory is biased towards the new thing of the time. what is old and oft repeated holds no strong association to any time.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
the problem with the debate on "free will", about whether it exists or not, is it is hard to define what it is, in the first place. "will" is easier to understand, but the word "free" is somewhat nebulous. what does it mean exactly, for "will" to be "free"?
instead let us examine what cannot be denied. in many cases before we do something, some action or other, we make a conscious decision to do it. we think about doing it beforehand. never mind where the thought comes from, really, or whether it came as "free". but if we had to think about it most metaphysically, perhaps our decision engine, if you like, is like an electronic gadget, where electric currents flow, creating options, say four possible choices usually, and then the engine defaults to the option with the largest current, or perhaps it chooses the first option with current that flows, or the second. i think, where this could be construed as not being "free will", is where an outside agency interferes with the process, as in "pushes your buttons".
what influences our decisions? mostly our personality. this is a thing which limits what we do. we are people who would never do certain things because it is not in our personality to do those things. at an extreme, a person who does very little and avoids almost everything, could that person possess what we call "free will"? "free" rather implies the opposite of restrictive. you could say such a person had "restrictive will". and if life is deterministic, it is mostly determined by personality, is it not?
finally, let us look at a common social situation. in a room are several people, some friends perhaps, some strangers. all are on their best behaviour. now, if say one of them were alone in the room, she would act very differently, perhaps it is her house and everyone else is a guest, but the presence of other people, outside agency, is affecting her "will". she can't be "free" unless she is alone. this is a world, and perhaps a reality, full of people, who affect each other, so how much "free will", in a sense, could there be?
i think in the best sense "free will" is independent agency, where you make your own decisions as a person, and make the best decisions, all things considered, out of all the choices there are, given the circumstances.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
it is a characteristic problem in dreams that everything changes so fast that you lose things. i have a recurrent kind of nightmare where for example i am about to travel in a plane, but i've lost my passport or something else i had earlier. the world of dreams is very unstable. however, in contrast, the world of waking life seems very stable and almost permanent, but is it?
the very essence of time is that things change. you may argue that time is most real in dreams, where everything changes fast. and if things change can anything last? can you have reliable mental memory or material records that we trust will not become corrupted in time?
if i wrote something in a book in a dream, i would not be surprised if either the entry changed soon after or even if the entry or book disappeared later never to be seen again. however, in waking life, there was a time when i would be surprised if a book changed magically overnight and a passage disappeared, because i thought the world was more stable than it is. but that's time, if something were truly to stay the same, then time could not be real.
now all this is worrying, i fear my memory is at best only a partially true record of the past, where there are cases where vivid memories have been conflated and i think events happened at the same time but didn't, where some details are now false and never happened, where if the past had certain flavours to it, the flavours of my memories are now mutated, and so on. and why is this so? because time slowly destroys memory through change.
i admit to a minor crisis, where my memory does not quite agree with material records, paper and electronic. logically it's easy to say, well, either your memory is wrong or the records are, or perhaps even both, but they can't both be right at the same time. the confusion is real and disturbing. if my memory is that wrong, i'm in big trouble. if paper or electronic records have mutated to something inaccurate, then they are unreliable and lying to me.
and you then think, if only there weren't so much change, nobody can remember it all! and if material records are subject to inevitable change as well, naturally, and are therefore unreliable, what then? from experience, living randomly and impulsively leads to fragments of memory which are hard to piece together a few years later. one of the biggest problems is conflation of bright memories, and where you assume that other events, less well remembered, happened then or there as well, when they didn't. this is pretty much the case a few years afterwards. however i think that very many years later, your memory is cleaned out somewhat and what's left tends to be true and the confusion is gone, even if only because lots of other memories have been lost.
on reflection it seems that anyone who does a lot is simply not going to remember much. if you really wanted to keep memory organized you would have to devise some kind of repetitive schedule at the very least, like fish on Fridays, then you could say, well, it was a Friday, so then i probably had fish.