Sunday, November 20, 2011

Person without and within Myself

person without and within myself:

as individuals we sense and can think about what is immediately around us, but not beyond ourselves. other people exist but they see and hear things we do not, because we are localized, what happens elsewhere we are less aware of.

what is the other person? someone like yourself, a variation of a person, with the senses you have and an independent capacity to think. we are all linked together in a network with busy traffic, and over many years, we have come to learn about and understand others.

if we are in any sense alone, however, it is that which makes us the individual, indeed a person with something to offer to the other person.


Saturday, November 19, 2011

And the Storm and Disorder Came

and the storm and disorder came:

then fate served several blows. at twenty years of age, he was surrounded by people he could see and hear, but couldn't escape feeling all alone inside still. a mental disintegration swiftly followed. to describe a schizophrenic episode as a collapse of order in your own personal reality is an apt one. for example, objects were lost forever, spatial structure seemed to randomly shift, there was a strong sense of dislocation. for an unstable mind means an unstable reality.

in positive reflection, it meant and forced him to reconsider much of his life and the world he lived in. it was a fluid time then in young adulthood, because it happened, a permanent change in his state of mind occurred.

and it fed many years of independent thinking about many things, as if it loosened his mind, and would lead him to question much that before he received without further thought.


Monday, November 14, 2011

The Litter of Memory

the litter of memory:

he sometimes worried about his memory. it was almost as if he was losing his mind, though surely it wasn't that serious, all things considered. he was still alive and well and the past had been successfully navigated, true!

often, he wondered if separate events had occurred on the same day or different days, for he couldn't be sure, perhaps his mind had conflated different memories. he didn't keep a diary and the fog of the past prevented any clear evidence of what had happened and when. in a reductive frame of mind, he reasoned that yes, these things had actually taken place but hopefully the sequence and date stamp were not that important.

why he remembered some events, and not others, he didn't know. seemingly insignificant things stuck in his mind and sometimes details of important events were not so well kept. why was this so?

what he was most concerned about were false memories. did some things really happen? were they in a dream? a memory is like an indent made, could time mutate it to something else entirely, a falsity believed to be true? it was truly most perplexing.


Saturday, November 12, 2011

From Child to Present

from child to present:

he had met his friends for lunch. they had talked and reminisced of old times. though their life situations had moved on from twenty years ago, they were all recognizably the same people, but now the talk was more of work and business and news.

he often wondered how he would answer the question, how old do you feel? in truth, he thought he felt exactly the same at all ages of his life but to answer, the same as when i was three and now, seemed a little ridiculous and somewhat provocative.

but how had he changed? he felt wiser, he supposed, better at assessing risk, if nothing else, not only from the mistakes and errors of judgement he had made in the past but from a better understanding of generally how things worked on Earth. he wondered if all prescribed grownup speech and behaviour was all some kind of program he had picked up along the way to adulthood, and compatibility between people depended on like conditioning.

when he had first met his friends, they were all still in the form of children, playful yet watchful, and in a way, quieter and more subdued.


Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Maze of Space Time

the maze of space time:

from the start of time we entered a theoretical maze, some parts perpetually travelled, some sections visited only once, and some areas never walked through at all.

it is a frightening concept we could get trapped or lost in this maze, never to find our way home again. some parts of the maze are surely dangerous, some benign. we are not born with the gift of a full map of the maze, unfortunately often we only learn from mistakes which are bad sections.

but why does the maze exist? indeed why do we exist? only but we were born and we lived. there is no explanation.


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Time from a Distance and the Start of Time

time from a distance and the start of time:

the clock ticks and the days pass, and we send and receive messages from each other, as we do not live in isolation, but communicate and function as a group. the transfer of signals across space proves we are all connected to one another. if we are all connected, it allows for the concept of a common time. it is a sequence of reactions to events at a distance which gives us the sense of progression.

we have examined the concept of a least bit of matter, its ends of time and time reversal. what of the start of time? for a least bit of matter this can thought of as just another limit, like an end of time is a limit. at one moment of time, time zero, however, throughout space, all matter was at this limit.