Don't Miss the Basis of Talk

don't miss the basis of talk:

to each there is a personal value system, what you think are good things and what you think are bad things. of course this doesn't need much explanation. on one end of the scale of bad things is total irrevocable death, though of course, not having truly died, no one would know what this is, if even possible. hopefully not! on the other end of good things, things like immortality, magical powers, health, pleasures, avoiding physical damage, knowledge of all things and so on...

"so at the time, i just thought, i don't think i get along very well with this person, you know, and not much more. i didn't examine it. that's what came to mind, and then i dismissed it. it didn't really seem to matter. but now, i wonder, why don't people like each other? or when they do, why?"

"because when they like each other they have things in common and in the other case very little or nothing?"

"right, that's what everyone says. but that's just a little piece of the puzzle, coming from a mental angle where you're thinking, like, what do they do together? anything? that's about shared activity. but what's more fundamental, if you approach the problem towards the base, is that every one of us has in the past put a value on everything. it pops up into conscious thought now and then, but i mean, it's always there in the subconscious, and especially when we're talking to someone we've just met or don't know very well, it's completely what we're thinking about."

"so we're judging each other constantly in the beginning? so i guess that's why we're nervous sometimes."

"it's like we've each assigned a numerical value to everything, positive or negative, positive is good and negative is bad. so in the beginning, it's a case like where two wary animals are sniffing around each other, each trying to figure out the other's value system. we're trying to find agreement. and then everything else follows on from that. but that is the basis."

"i'm visualizing psychic feelers we're putting out."

"right, but it's done through talking, or at least let's look at it that way. i say something, and even if i'm not, you know, intentionally doing it, i'm implying what value that thing has for me. it's inescapable."

"so every time it goes wrong, it's because of a mismatch of personal values?"

"that's my argument. and you can see how the phrase "nothing in common" is derived from that. it's like my values determine my life vector and if someone else's values are different enough, we diverge paths and go our separate ways."

"so two strangers meet for the first time in a public place. is it fate? it's because they share some of the same values?"

"exactly. they like the same food, for example. they end up in the same aisle or the same restaurant."

"or they both read the same article in a newspaper. they're thinking the same thing. they end up in the same place."

"so it's like a game, in a sort of way, you need to find something that is the same, or a few things the same. then there is something to talk about. in a way, you lose when you reveal a harsh difference."

"but does it really matter?"

"well why do people talk? curiosity about other people. what's going on, what to do? reassurance that people are the same in some way. but they also want to know things. i mean, everyone's looking for answers, right? so if you can fulfil at least some of that, that's not half bad?"

"i guess so."

CLEARCHARGE