Talking Major Pitfalls

talking major pitfalls:

between strangers, or even good friends, but generally with those whom we do not know well or may be quite different from under the surface, there is always one thing to bear in mind, that is, any conversation may be, in actuality, beneath perhaps the most disarmingly polite conversation on top, a constant probing to evaluate each other's personal value systems, what they hold dear, what they want, what they do not want, and what they hate. it is often a harsh truth that those with different values cannot get along. optimists might say that people have more in common that not, but consider that even a few differing values, though seemingly trivial perhaps, may be a deal breaker in any relationship of any depth.

for those who love to talk, for the sake of talking in itself, are perhaps most likely to forget this vital fact of life. i am certain i am not the first to tell you that many relationships break up because the parties want different things. this makes it apparent that want is very important. for the talkative person, conversation is some form of art even perhaps. they may not necessarily talk that much about what they really want or need. maybe they just like the sound of their own voice! but as for the other person, they may be trying to analyse what the person wants exactly from what he or she says. you say, "such and such is..." they might interpret that as meaning literally you really want such and such, whereas that is neither the case nor the intention.

let us consider everything that brings up negative emotions such as hate, anger and fear, as things people do not want. likewise, a conversation may be a test in the same way, what they think is bad. now people do think the same way sometimes, with the same patterns. bad is, in itself, often thought to be a bad thing to talk about, so people are even less direct sometimes about it. however, as many think along the same lines, even the most indirect, subtly far removed remark from the other person could be understood as a mark of contempt. people are highly alert to what is valued as bad and an entirely innocent remark may be misinterpreted to mean that you judge such and such as a bad thing.

now talking may seem endlessly hazardous to the paranoid and the shy, even that differences too great could lead to hostility, or indifference at best, but where the parties must be connected or at the same place as fate decrees, there is at least plenty to talk about nowadays without revealing the differing personal value systems that might lead to conflict. we may not have, as optimists believe, more in common than we think, but at least we do have some things the same about which we can talk.

CLEARCHARGE